2006-01-02 This'll have to be quick, even though I haven't been around in forever. Now that the staged Xbox "shortage" predictably left all these losers feeling obligated to buy another stupid video game console at outrageous prices, it seems another xmas has come and gone. Baby's first xmas was somewhat uneventful, save for a little wrapping paper tasting (by her, not me). Our tree sucked for the second year in a row, so we may go with the dreaded fake tree from here on out. I always like to avoid everyone on xmas because then it actually becomes an enjoyable day without obligation. I do like small gatherings (but I hate people; isn't it ironic?) around this time of year. This year was especially cool, though, because our little one got some incredibly adorable outfits. Trust me, as macho as you may think you are, you'd think these were cute, too. Happy New Year!
Movies: Key Largo (Humphrey Bogart; decent film noir; highly rated of the genre), March of the Penguins (documentary about involved (under extreme conditions) penguin mating ritual; it's amazing what these animals go through for their species' survival; we should be so strong), Heights (I usually hate this sort of intertwined relationship movie, where there's always a gay character and it's so annoying, but Glenn Close was very good in this and, well, let's just say I didn't hate it; it's worth a look), The Real John Lennon (UK documentary about Lennon's early days; more personal recollections than Beatles history; excellent), Wife Vs. Secretary (Clark Gable, Myrna Loy; idle 40's flick about exactly what the title implies; I'm biased towards Gable and Loy, so I enjoyed it, but it was about average), Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt; better than I thought, although it was still pretty stupid; some isolated funny parts; scan through the first half -- it stunk), Libeled Lady (1936, William Powell, Myrna Loy; this is an "It Happened One Night" ripoff, but since IHON is a top 20 favorite, this one ruled, too; very good in that screwball comedy vein), Gas Food Lodging (1992; OK film about mother raising her two daughters; some plot elements were just a little too cliche though), Two For the Road (Audrey Hepburn, some guy; excellent film portraying different stages in a couple's relationship; doesn't fall into all the pitfalls this theme usually does), Bark (bizarre film erroneously tagged a comedy about a man's having to deal with a wife who think's she's a dog; it's actually kind of depressing and a little engrossing (although I would have killed her after an hour); I guess it was decently done, but probably would have been much better as a 15 minute short)

Top 2005-12-08 Wow, it's been 25 years since John Lennon was shot. The only thing I noticed this year over past anniversaries is how much credit Lennon was given for what he would have thought or felt had he been alive today. Celebrities who, I believe, had never met Lennon were so free to credit him with the prevailing politically correct viewpoint. He "would have been against the Iraq War", he "would have been fighting for artist's rights", and so on. Don't get me wrong, I like The Beatles/John Lennon a lot, but he wasn't a saint (just ask Julian); he just wrote a bunch of great songs and let's just be happy about that. It IS amazing to me that he has even transcended The Beatles' memories and he's recognizable worldwide as the Man of Peace when, essentially, he was simply a pop star. Paul McCartney must be pissed; and George Harrison even more so.
Movies: How to Steal A Million (lite Audrey Hepburn screwball crime flick; fun), Bourne Identity (I like these films; good action, but the sequel was better), Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (garbagey flick; you won't like it unless you're a complete geek), Borderline (lite film noir from 1950; should have been a comedy instead), Eat Drink Man Woman (better-than-I-thought story of retired Chinese Chef and his daughters; well done), Dillinger (average film noir (1945) about notorious criminal; OK at best), Rock School (documentary about Philadelphia's "Rock School" that inspired the Jack Black movie "School of Rock"; this was very enjoyable, but it's a little pathetic when you realize the main guy at the Rock School is virtually incapable of dealing with adults and therefore has found a niche in "teaching" kids; I think he feels that he'll be being thanked in liner notes in a few years, but it's more likely he'll be forgotten by then), Dukes of Hazzard 2005 (take a guess; you're right!! weak flick, but some funny parts), Back to the Future III (final film of series; much better that Part II, and a fun way to end the series)

2005-12-04 OK, it's puke-your-guts-out-cuz-most-xmas-songs-just-plain-suck time of year. Funnily enough, I still enjoy hearing the following: Band Aid - Do They Know it's Christmas? and the Pogues - Fairytale of New York and Kate Bush - December Will Be Magic Again. Strange, but they're all British. I guess it's not so strange when you realize most American bands stink. On another note, kid's books rule. We're reading to our little tax deduction and some of the books are very clever and fun. I had erroneously thought that cleverness ended with Dr. Seuss books (especially since his widow destroyed his work by allowing mediocre writers continue with HIS characters; UGH), but there are some really good children's books out now. It's encouraging because maybe there is a market for my stories, so I don't have to sit alone in a dark room saying them to myself in fear of being caught. I like stories. (That last line is a Simpsons reference; it's hilarious if you get it; if not, get a job.)
Movies: Me You and Everyone We Know (quirky, but I liked it and I don't know why), Laughing Policeman (dated, but OK 70's crime flick), Mad Hot Ballroom (somewhat typical documentary about city kids in a ballroom dance contest; OK), Ferris Beuller's Day Off (gets better each time), Live Aid (4 DVD set of forgettable 1985 concert; it's hard to figure out what's worse: the music or the haircuts; it's a tie), Small Change (Truffaut film about kids in France; very well made and doesn't succumb to the obvious, like most kid films), Please Don't Eat The Daisies (please don't watch this crap movie), Herbie Fully Loaded (when Lindsay Lohan figures out whether or not she's still a kid, will she tell the rest of us? This is a silly kid's movie, but it doesn't feel right with Lindsay Lohan in the lead now that she's so "grown up"; I thought she'd last beyond kid films, but now I see she's got little or no chance with roles like this), Millions (charming, clever, funny, go see it), I Vitelloni (Italian 50's Fellini film, enjoyable), Kicking and Screaming (Will Ferrel is funny again; aim low and this hits the mark), Young Man With A Horn (Kirk Douglas plays trumpet player in another typical highs-and-lows-of-a-talented-musician-story; decently acted, but predictable story), The Thin Man + The Thin Man Goes Home + After The Thin Man (Myrna Loy, William Powell; 3 of the 6 Thin Man movies; all are essentially the same formula and Myrna Loy wears about 200 elegant outfits per episode, but they're lite fun, so quit complaining and go watch the entire series)

Top 2005-11-15 OK, I've been away...actually I've just been avoiding you losers (both of you). My little girl laughed the other day for the first time and I almost cried it made me so happy. Then I wanted to bake a layer cake because I'm becoming such a fag lately...OK, enough, already. If loving her is wrong, I don't wanna be right. (Jeez, maybe I AM gay.)
Movies: Downfall (excellent film about life in Hitler's bunker during his final days), The Pacifier (Vin Diesel; as dumb as you think, but some cute stuff for kids), Eurotrip (better the 2nd time around, but it's still essentially limited), Bells Are Ringing (Judy Holiday before she died; light 60's flick, but sorely dated), Princess Diaries 2 (garbagey follow-up to a garbagey original), Fever Pitch (another Drew Barrymore turd), Napoleon Dynamite (this movie is great, but it baffles me how America seems to have only recently realized this, you flippin' bo-dagget), Bride and Prejudice (godawful Bollywood crap), To Sir with Love (I like this totally dated 60's flick; good to mix up the selection a little), Bewitched (Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell; utter, over the top as crappy as crap can get), Batman Begins (thoroughly enjoyable action flick delivers what you want in a super-hero movie), Riding Giants (I hate surfing, but this documentary was very good and had somewhat universal appeal), Falling Angels (offbeat flick about dysfunctional family with all the right quirks; rent it NOW to brighten your dull life), Bad Girls at Valley High (dumb, lite Heathers ripoff; OK), Blazing Saddles (funnily enough, Mel Brooks is the only UNfunny person in this classic 70's film), The High and The Mighty (John Wayne; weak airplane near-disaster flick; every time I see or hear John Wayne's name, all I can think is how he died with 45 lbs. of poop in his body; let this be a lesson to you lambs: eat more fiber, drink distilled water and cleanse often!!)

Top 2005-10-14 People misuse the term "experience" and confuse it with "existence". Take, for example, all these useless morons in Corporate America, who have somehow survived all the waves of layoffs despite their lack of productive contribution. By virtue of the fact that they are still employed, they'll consider their tenure "X years worth of experience". I guess if you're breathing, you're earning those valuable "experience" points. Besides, it's time you move out of your parent's house. While on the subject, isn't Dinty Moore Beef Stew disgusting? Oh, here's the new biggest scam to hit America: Fuel Surcharges; many American companies are capitalizing on the high gas prices and figured it's time to gouge us even more. F'ers, every last one; refuse to pay it (they generally comply) or stop doing business with those companies. Dinty Moore...don't make me puke.
Movies: Crash (this is one of those films that link all these seemingly unrelated events/persons into one random (albeit linked) story; it was decent if you overlook the fact that none of these events are really significant, save for the fact that they're interrelated. Yeah.), Bourne Supremacy (Matt Damon; great action flick, even after multiple viewings), Watermelon Man (OK Van Peebles 60's flick about "white" guy who wakes up black one morning; some funny bits, but the white man makeup makes the dude look like a freakin' plastic dummy), The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (Paul Newman; 70's flick which only adds to Paul Newman's great film career), Robots (kid flick; very good, but it's the same old tired story), Miss Congeniality 2 (like the first one wasn't enough for this modern world; tolerable), You Were Never Lovelier (Rita Hayworth, Fred Astaire; typical boy/girl tale with a phenomenally beautiful (it applies here) Hayworth and phenomenally talented (it also applies) Astaire; lite story made better by their presence), Kissing Jessica Stein (crap), Born To Kill (40's film noir with Claire Trevor; worth a look), Are We There Yet? (OK, I needed to get in touch with my black side and I'm trying to expand and find some decent kid flicks; this wasn't one of them; uneven characters and obvious pranks), The Librarian (OK made for TV flick), The Upside of Anger (this movie wasn't bad if you don't care (or realize) how improbable and ridiculous the premise is)

Top 2005-09-22 The most coolest thing ever about having a baby is that you can totally beat her at arm wrestling almost every time. She doesn't think Howard Stern's funny any more, either.
Movies: My Life So Far (I can't remember, but I think this was OK; my mind's a blur lately), Sahara (Penelope Cruz, Matthew McConaughey; unrealistic and typical treasure hunt flick; watchable, but that's about it), Prozac Nation (Christina Ricci; I'm sick of these poor pitiful mixed up extremely intelligent and talented (and now successful) me stories; just kill yourself if you're that miserable or look around those less fortunate), Rory O'Shea Was Here (different twist on wheelchair patients; this was really good and very funny in parts), The Son's Room (good film about son's death and its impact on the family; well acted), Johnny Be Good (dated high school-ish flick with a very young Uma Thurman and a too-old-and-not-as-16-Candles-cute Anthony Michael Hall; lite fun, but expect NOTHING from this), Bandolero (Dean Martin, Raquel Welch, Jimmy Stewart; not bad 60's western with big names and bigger thingies), Clash By Night (Barbara Stanwyck; weak cliche laden film noir; young Marilyn Monroe is decent in this), The Bad and The Beautiful (Kirk Douglas, Lana Turner; very well done film about director Douglas and three ex-friends/co-workers and why they hate him (via flashbacks)), Be Cool (Uma Thurman, John Travolta; this was dumb, but had some pretty funny scenes; a little too smug at times, too; The Rock is awesome in this, as was Vince Vaughn), Crossfire (supposedly controversial anti-Semite film noir that's nothing more than an average film noir posing as an anti-Semite flick to get attention; apparently the book it's based on the victim was a homo and not a Jew, which truly changes everything), Man Of the House (Tommy Lee Jones, Monica Keena; put Tommy Lee Jones in charge of cheerleader and what do you get? You get to witness Tommy Lee Jones' career disappearing and you get to see Monica Keena's boob job and little else), Three Men and a Cradle (French original that 3 Men & A Baby was based on; the first half of this flick is utterly predictable -- you know the drill: a couple bachelors have to take care of a screaming baby; been done; the second half unfolds somewhat predictably, but very enjoyable nonetheless; I've been told it's a million times better than the remake, but that's always the case)

2005-09-14 I've been peed on, pooped on, spit upon, farted on, drooled on and puked on and now my baby's doing it to me, too. Speaking of total randomness, isn't it funny how the term "dingbat" only refers to women, but "knucklehead" only refers to men? ...and I wonder just how much plastic surgery Jessica Lange's had? Hey, you know that fat protruding gut that these teen & twenty-nothing chicks insist on displaying below their belly shirts?; I just heard the new slang term for it: "muffin top"!! Isn't that awesome? One final note: in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, since it's now crystal clear to everyone that our President is a completely useless moron, wouldn't poetic justice be served if all those displaced refugees who have taken up residence in Texas decided to call Texas their new permanent home? Mrs. Bush made that statement last week about how the refugees in the Astrodome were "...underprivileged, so this is working out very well for them"...yeah, nothing like a major catastrophe and loss of life and property to brighten some poor family's outlook. I can't wait until they're out of office, but the lingering Hillary scenario almost scares me more. Damn I need a boob job.
Movies: Ciao Professore (cute Italian flick; typical plot of teacher having impact on unruly kids, but enjoyable nonetheless), Hostage (Bruce Willis action flick; better than I thought; worth a look if you're craving an action movie), The Jacket (Adrien Brody; OK time shift film; not bad), Lady In Cement (Frank Sinatra, Raquel Welch; just plain 60's spy film crap), Joe Gould's Secret (true(?) tale about a New York City homeless-ish genius (or idiot); I never really liked Stanley Tucci (who stars) and I never really found Joe Gould appealing; not worth it), A Love Song For Bobby Long (John Travolta; decent film about daughter who inherits a house and friends from her deceased, estranged mother), Elling (excellent film about two institutionalized men who are given an apartment to try to live in the outside world; great acting and phenomenal characters; a must see), Back to the Future II (weak, dark follow up to very good first film; doesn't Spielberg realize these are family films?; we want fun and happy endings and happiness throughout; loser), W.I.S.O.R. (this sounded good -- it's a true story about a robot they invented to repair New York City's aging steam pipes; the filmmaker not only stunk up the documentary, but added this horribly amateur (and unnecessary) voice to the unbuilt robot; Ugh.)

2005-09-04 Why is movie blood (particularly in 70's films) bright red, resembling anything but blood? And, while I'm at it, why does every movie have some snag with a gun having its safety still set? I'm getting so sick of movie cliches...I really have to make a film so I can be the target of my own wrath. Maybe I'll make a baby film; I've been taking enough digital pictures to fill a feature. On a similar note, my daughter doesn't understand any of my jokes yet, but she does fart a lot, so I guess that counts for something. That's my little girl. Oh, yeah, she digs Metallica.
Movies: Kansas City Confidential (Excellent film noir about a cleverly masterminded bank robbery using a duplicate florist's truck -- the real florist is arrested for the crime and then wants revenge; very well done), Cadet Kelly (Hillary Duff crap...duh), Assault on Precinct 13 (mediocre remake of mediocre 70's flick), Glass Bottom Boat (Doris Day lite comedy, heavy on the 'lite'), Atomic Cafe (interesting look at the Atomic Age through documentary footage; scary we're still here), Gidget (Sandra Dee; crap, but you knew that already), Italian For Beginners (Very good film with some very interesting characters; I wish the filmmaker would have used a tripod, though, as his handheld camera work gets annoying, but not enough to ruin a good story), All In a Night's Work (forgettable Dean Martin, Shirley Maclaine mistaken identity farce; has Shirley Maclaine ever made a decent film?), Cosi (quirky foreign film hits on many notes), Knots (Tara Reid, John Stamos; train wreck of a film: complete crap, but I watched the whole thing because I was dazed by Tara Reid's acting ability. Ugh.), The Big Heat (Wow, what a great film noir!! Cop Glenn Ford goes after his wife's murderers; Gloria Grahame is awesome in this. Go rent it NOW), Belle Epoque (Penelope Cruz; army deserter sleeps his way through his lodger's daughters; very good in spots), Suddenly Last Summer (Montgomery Clift, Elizabeth Taylor, Katharine Hepburn; watchable, but damn that Katharine Hepburn is annoying as all hell), Helter Skelter (Original made-for-TV 1976 version of the Manson Family Tate-LaBianca murders ; much better than the recent remake, and not bad for a TV film)

Top 2005-08-19 I now find myself getting excited over my daughter's outfits and I realize that there must be a very fine line between loving father and cross-dressing homo; I'd like to think I fall on the right side of that line. It's such a strange feeling having your own kid stare at you; it reduces you to the role of provider and makes you write sentences with semicolons. Life doesn't get any better than this.
Music: Hush Little Baby - Kids, Good Morning Starshine - Hair OST, Old Toy Trains - Roger Miller,...do you see a pattern here? I just adore my little girl.
Movies: Game Over (IBM's Big Blue vs Kasparov; very good documentary that made me sympathize with Kasparov. I know think the IBM team was completely arrogant and didn't really acknowledge or comprehend the depth of their "victory". Besides, they wouldn't accept a rematch and that makes them pussies), Around the World in 80 Days (Disney remake with Jackie Chan; OK family fun), The Long Night (film noir with Henry Fonda; very good 1940's remake of a 1939 French flick), Forty Guns (crap Barbara Stanwyck western), Coach Carter (another obvious teacher-turns-around-bad-students film based on true events; decent and watchable nonetheless), Kiss of Death (classic film noir with sicko Richard Widmark pushing wheelchair bound old lady down the stairs), Smilla's Sense of Snow (Julia Ormond; good film, but misses on a few notes), Beyond the Sea (Kevin Spacey; this was probably the worst cast film I've ever seen; 40-something Kevin Spacey simply does not work as a young Bobby Darin; besides, the story was all over and you never really gave a crap about Darin; I never shared in his successes or gave two craps about his failures; what a letdown; the marriage scene between a middle aged Spacey (supposed to be in his 20's) and the actress playing Sandra Dee looked like a disturbingly bad scene from a child-porn flick; Ugh; should be renamed "Beyond Belief")

2005-08-12 Sorry for the lapse -- I've been busy: we have a new baby girl in the family and she's just incredible! After hearing over the past months how "your life is gonna change" and understanding the logistics behind the phrase, I realize now that it never made more sense than at that moment the doctor came around the curtain in the Operating Room and said, "Well, parents, you have a baby girl!" What a feeling; every moment in our lives prior to that instant just disappeared and became nothing for that second. It feels like no one's ever had a baby before us, and, talking with other new parents, that's exactly as it should be. She's so adorable I want to swallow her up. Another bizarre change that's taken place is this new feeling of being a father -- apprehension, feelings of inadequacy, hope for the future, the need to rid all evil in the world, confusion, joy and every other emotion a body is capable of feeling, all EVERY second. It's settled down a little since her birth, but what a great feeling she brings. We named her "Jan Brady".
Movies: Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (Great, forgotten Clint Eastwood film), Gun Fury (forgettable Rock Headson, Donna Reed idle western), Overnight (documenting the arrogance of a first-time filmmaker; stinging), The Longest Yard (1974 Burt Reynolds; this film was OK at best when I first saw it (in 1974), but it cracks me up how it's now being hailed as a "classic, great film" now that the remake it out; Hollywood makes me ill in the head), Dear Frankie (Emily Mortimer; charming flick about an essentially fatherless kid and his mother's attempts to alter the kid's view of his father; well acted and good story and I'm biased because I like Emily Mortimer), The Red Pony (Steinbeck story has no real plot; waste of time), Nightmare Alley (film noir visits the carnival; excellent), Airplane (classic literal humour flick; a known commodity), Lenny (Dustin Hoffman plays controversial comedian Lenny Bruce; well done for viewers (like me) that know nothing of Lenny Bruce beyond the Howard Stern comparisons), Word Wars (documentary about tournament Scrabble players (yes, you heard that right); interesting glimpse into subculture no one ever knew existed), Panic In The Streets (film noir classic about trying to find a killer that's contracted bubonic plague before he spreads it; some classic film noir scenes), That's Entertainment (1979? retrospective documents MGM's heyday using the original actors walking through the studios dilapidated backlot; great, even if you think all those musicals were crap, since it's a lost part of film history and who doesn't love Fred Astaire and James Stewart?)

Top 2005-07-22 Tim Burton sucks ass. I (unfortunately) paid for the experience of watching him ruin another all-time classic film, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". He managed to strip the film of everything that made the book and original film magical and wondrous and made it his trademark gloomy crap. He also managed to have Johnny Depp completely suck, which hasn't really happened since 21 Jump Street. Ugh. What makes me the most sick is not that Tim Burton can't make a decent film with a big budget, a talent like Johnny Depp AND a proven great story, but what truly sickens me is that modern audiences won't even notice; they'll love it and say it's great without even realizing the vandalism that has occurred. I've lost all faith in filmmakers and I think it's time I join the ranks and try to succeed in making a truly great film, or, at least fail with an original one. This remake-and-ruin approach has gone too far. Tim Burton sucks ass (it feels good to state it again.)
Movies: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Tim Burton sucks ass; he's ruined a classic; more above), Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (since when did anyone take Bill Murray seriously?; boring crap; only lasted 15 minutes), The Sting (OK (at best) movie with obvious punch line; Paul Newman is great; Robert Redford is mediocre), All the President's Men (great film about the Watergate scandal; fitting now that Deep Throat's identity has been revealed), Billy Bathgate (Ugh; Dustin Hoffman as a gangster? Gimme a break; Nicole Kidman wasted her nudity on this average flick), Les Choristes ("The Chorus"; very good (if predictably sentimental) little uplifting film), Stripes (Bill Murray back where he should be; in comedy; extra features DVD is worth seeing), My Wife is an Actress (French film humps one note; watchable, but not the best), Enduring Love (Samantha Morton and that "Danny Deckchair" guy; weak and kind of annoying to watch), Magical Mystery Tour (The Beatles with nothing to do in this nothing of a movie; too bad 'cuz they were at their creative best during this period)

2005-07-11 7-11 stores gave away 7.11 ounce slurpees today; how freakin' cute. I'd be ragging on Tom Cruise for his Scientology garbage, but that's just too easy. I DO, however, wanna strangle every non-English speaking person making a living in America, because they make my life that much more difficult. Ugh. Alright, fine, here's the crux of my frustration: I, who pride myself on being near impossible to offend, was personally offended the other day. A former co-worker (female) who has always been tolerably civil to me (although the general feeling is that she's nasty) attacked, well, ever fiber of my being, using words like "sold out" and "manipulated" as applied to me. I was in shock, not so much at the appalling gall of this imbecile, but I was shocked that I didn't know how to react (and that my fist didn't move into action). Without getting into any more gory details, I'll just say that everything you've ever heard about surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people (however gay sounding that is) is true. This moron's comments sizzled inside me for a few days before I realized the extent her misery must reach to be capable of such a verbal assault. I (along with many friends/associates) have discussed the countless hours we've individually spent ridding our lives of these funsuckers (more like "sunfu&#ers, but this is a family oriented site and I'll refrain). Happy 4th of July.
Movies: The Sea Inside (not bad look at the right to choose assisted suicide for a quadriplegic), Valentin (cute foreign flick about a kid trying to put a family together), Klute (Jeez, who gave Jane Fonda an award for this mild crap?), Team America (puppet show from South Park guys; weak), Nowhere in Africa (British Jews move to Africa to escape the Germans; very well done with minimal Jewish slant these films typically have), Assassination of Nixon (Sean Penn; I thought this was an undiscovered gem, but it turned out to be a well acted boring flick), Primer (another thought-to-be undiscovered gem that was probably the most over-dialogued, under-actioned movie I've ever seen), Frantic (Harrison Ford unknown thriller that wasn't that thrilling; extremely weak ending), Back to the Future (I never tire of this, watered down and all), Hang 'Em High (OK Clint Eastwood western)

Top 2005-06-26 I'm beginning to hate 35mm film. I used to like it, but I've gone completely digital with my photos. Recently, to clear the film out of the cameras, I quickly shot the remaining pix on rolls that had been in the camera for probably over a year. I sent one roll in to the local supermarket for developing; they must have misaligned the negative cutter and sliced every fourth negative in half. Strike one. For the next batch, I shot three rolls and sent them to an online processor; they lost one of the rolls and can't find it. Strike two. You can't beat the convenience of digital and you can store TONS of pix on your PC. You also can't beat those morons at Snapfish for losing your film; I believe it's illegal in most states. Screw film; digital rules.
Movies: High Plains Drifter (more Clint; good, but I'm biased lately), Starmaker (Italian film somehow connected to the Cinema Paradiso filmmaker(s); slow to get going, but ending is worth the wait; well done), Hot Chick (Rob SomethingOrOther; watchable and not quite as weak as I thought it'd be), Every Which Way But Loose (Clint targeted the country and western crowd for this one; thoroughly enjoyable if you know Bill Anderson, and I happen to), The Set Up (1940's film noir-ish boxing flick; good for a quick flick), Racing Stripes (kid flick about a zebra who wants to be a race horse; it's basically the film "Babe", but with a zebra instead of a pig; enjoyable family fare), Pretty in Pink (Molly Ringwald, Annie Potts; I really like Annie Potts; this was good in a Breakfast-Club-era way, but it needed Anthony Michael Hall), Dog Day Afternoon (Al Pacino; what a good film; based on true story of unsuccessful Brooklyn bank robbery of the 70's; shot as though it were happening live (and without accompanying music); a must see), Grey Gardens (70's documentary about a couple of moronic old biddy relatives of Jackie-O and the 75 room Long Island mansion that's falling apart due to their idiocy; annoying beyond belief, but seems to hold appeal to gay men (they loooove those tragic women); Ugh.)
Music: Roger Miller - Compilation (King of the Road, Dang Me, England Swings, etc) (I'm so sick of this alternative crap music and metal sucks and I can't stand that drum machine drool of all these pop divas that I need a break. Dang me, they ought to take a rope and hang me high from the highest tree.)
Book: Silent Echoes (Discovering Early Hollywood Through the Films of Buster Keaton) by John Bengston (WOW, what a phenomenal book. This guy maps out the locations of many of Buster Keaton's early films shot in the 1920's, when Hollywood was largely undeveloped and basically served as a giant playground for filmmakers. His research sheds light on how Buster made films in the public streets of Los Angeles, most within the vicinity of his studio. It's amazing to see not only how the physical geography has changed over the years, but how easily a creative crew could make a film in those days, unlike the conglomerations required to churn out the crap they call movies today. You can see some of this book visually on the DVD: Keaton Plus, which highlights some random Buster Keaton clips beyond his main body of work.)

2005-06-18 I've survived the allergy season with only one trip to the Emergency Room, so now I'm ready to start complaining again. What's up with "never before seen" footage they now included on DVDs? I mean, is there some moron out there that this overused line is targeting? And, if it's on the DVD, then SOMEONE must have seen it to make the proper edits and chapter marks, no? Jeez I hate being marketed to. Oh, and to all you vegans a hearty "Thank You!"; I'm in a rare-roast-beef-eating mood lately and I'm sooooo thankful that none of you are horning in on my share of that beef slab!
Movies: Breakfast Club (pure classic; still awesome), Pretty Devils (Audrey Tautou; OK juvenile criminals' story), Kinsey (Laura Linney (who I like) and Liam Neeson (I could take or leave); decent flick addressing the 1940's public's arcane perceptions re: sex; could have been better, but I guess it's a single minded shallow plotline since today everybody knows that we were all in the dark back then), Elektra (dumb, pretty chick action flick; hey, that rhymes!), Fistful of Dollars (Clint Eastwood; Clint is sooo good in these "spaghetti westerns"), The Longest Yard (Adam Sandler remake; well, uh, this pretty much sucked aside from a few football-to-the-balls laughs; weak overall, and Adam Sandler sucks again), PCU (National Lampoon; more Animal House ripoff crap), What's Up Doc? (Barbra Streisand; I really like this 70's tribute to the old screwball comedies and Streisand is actually NOT her nauseating self; does this make me gay?), How to Beat the High Cost of Living (early, forgettable Jessica Lange flick that only serves to help you realize how far she's come as an actress), Tarnation (indie crap done on an imac for like, $34, and it shows; waste of time and hard disk space; I could do better), Joe Kidd (Clint Eastwood; well, he HAS a name in this one and it's one of my favorites; the plot isn't the best, but it has some all-time classic clips of Eastwood taking care of business), In Good Company (Dennis Quai-e-i-e-i-o-d; lite flick with a thin plot about young exec who dates his 50+ year old employee's daughter; awkward situation, but weak overall)

2005-06-01 April showers bring May allergies, more likely. I can't breathe, but I fight to serve you ingrates. Latest annoyances: laugh tracks on sitcoms (which I DON'T watch, but one was showing in a video store), DJ's that say things to female callers like "hot chick", "are you hot?", "are you naked?" and "send us naked pictures of yourself" (pathetic losers), movies that show vomiting (what's the point?), junk email (wastes much of my journal-updating time), movie remakes (when worse than the original), and, well, just about everything/one else. Things I love today: the phrase "queer bait" (and I don't know why), Clint Eastwood films, the phrase "the sh#ts" as an adjective (meaning awful; Bob's the sh#ts on guitar), that "golf course airhorn" clip from Jackass: The Movie. That is all.
Movies: Sixteen Candles (Anthony Michael Hall; only gets better with time), National Lampoon's Gold Diggers (crap; who pays to make these films?), It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (great, fun flick like they don't make any more), Dodsworth (average, uninteresting film like they still make), Don't Tempt Me (Penelope Cruz; better than I expected and different enough to warrant a viewing), Towering Inferno (70's disaster flick; good for what it is), Thieves' Highway (noir-ish 40's film about revenge and corruption in the California produce market; well done), Notting Hill (Julia Roberts can't act; Emily Mortimer's cameo put this on my wanna-see-list; the movie was tolerable, but stupid), Back To School (Rodney Dangerfield before he died; still a classic), Suspect Zero (thriller that loosely mimics the Zodiac killer of the 70's combined with some silly concept of being able to 'see' what the killer sees; OK, but could have been much better), Ocean's 12 (I aimed really low and this didn't even hit that mark; utter crap), Birth (Nicole Kidman can act, but she can't seem to pick a decent film; nice unsupported premise that turns totally lame when we figure out there's no support; frustrating), New World (Alicia Silverstone; this could quite possibly be the worst movie I've ever seen), Jackass: The Movie (I always hated guys like this, but the golf course airhorn clip was hilarious; the rest of the clips are just a bunch of losers trying too hard to be crazy morons; mission accomplished)

Top 2005-05-05 Ooh, it's 5-5-05 -- is that some sort of not-quite-satan reference ("555")? OK, I have a question for all (well, both) of you out there: What is the purpose of the "M______" on wedding invitations? Is it designed to save RSVP'ers from writing the "M" in "Mr. Smith" (so you only write "r. Smith"...? What are doctors supposed to do, cross out the "M" and write in a "D"? I asked a handful of people and not one really knew the purpose, so I checked with my best friend, the web. The web only turned up that it's a stupid tradition that is confusing and many people replace it with the clearer "Name_____". I don't know, I used to wonder if it were just me, but now I'm certain it IS me. The world may never understand me, but that's OK, because in my world everything is fine and silly high school/college movies run continuously...
Movies: Open Your Eyes (Abre Los Ojos; Penelope Cruz; this was the film that Vanilla Sky remade; it was OK, but I didn't really care about any of the characters and I felt the big twist ending was mediocre, at best), How I Got Into College (another silly high school/college story, but I liked it), The Killers (1946 Burt Lancaster film noir based on Hemingway story; very good), She Gets What She Wants (another silly high school/college story, but I liked it), Home Town Story (idle early Marilyn Monroe flick; weak), I Was A Male War Bride (Cary Grant throwaway not worth watching), God is Great and I Am Not (another silly high sch...just checking if you're paying attention; Audrey Tautou trying to find herself by experimenting with every religion on earth; some very funny scenes (like when she lights her cigarette with the menorah), but overall just average), McCartney Back In The US (I was never a real big McCartney fan (like everyone else, Lennon was my favorite Beatle), but this concert film was phenomenal and I thoroughly enjoyed it; McCartney included only the songs we want to hear and cut short the lame new stuff; there's enough crowd reaction footage to realize that this guy represents an entire era that's rapidly disappearing; what a great film; highly recommended)

2005-05-03 I'm getting really tired of this trend in sci-fi movies about memory alteration; either having your memory recorded or having the ability to "erase" part of your memory or being able to make adjustments to one's memory as if it were a computer's hard drive. Unless the writers are more creative with it, it's become a tired theme. (Please note, I did enjoy "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" and "Minority Report", in spite of these films exhibiting this theme, but that's largely due to my Kate Winslet bias and. uh, well, my Tom Cruise fetish. I'm real glad I only thought that and didn't type it or I'd truly appear to be gay.)
Movies: The Killing (Stanley Kubrick; well planned robbery goes awry; very good), Sex & Lucia (Paz Vega; this was pretty good, albeit a bit confusing), Three O'Clock High (dated 80's nerd vs. bully film reminiscent of "My Bodyguard", but I liked it), Move Over Darling (Doris Day version of what was to be Marilyn Monroe's last film; just plain horrible), Bullitt (Steve McQueen action flick from the days when Steve McQueen made action flicks; has that 70's look, but pretty good for what it was), Final Cut (Robin Williams; another memory alteration flick; could have been better, but was OK), Herbie Rides Again (Stefanie Powers; sequel about a cute VW Bug and a cute Stefanie Powers; clean, fun Disney flick; recommended based on sentimental value), L'Auberge Espagnole (The Spanish Apartment; French/Spanish film with Audrey Tautou; very good idea, but kinda lite; should have been better), Wooden Camera (French? film about two boys who take a video camera and a gun off a dead guy and each uses the tool for their own purpose; somewhat predictable and somewhat far-fetched, but a little above average)

Top 2005-04-26 Did anyone else notice the pope died? I wonder if the new guy will allow the child molestation epidemic continue like the old guy did. The new pope is Pope JohnPaulGeorgeRingo. Oh, yeah, the pope smokes dope.
Movies: PS (Laura Linney finds a young man who reminds her of a dead boyfriend; dumb), Malena (Monica Bellucci; beauty's impact on a WWII era small Italian town;excellent all around), A Wrinkle in Time (OK adaptation of popular children's book), I Heart Huckabees (I thought this may suck, but against all instinct I watched it; it was OK at best, but pretty much did suck), Wonderland/WADD (Hollywood murders of the 1980's that involved porn start John Holmes (aka "Johnny Wadd") + the accompanying documentary on Holmes; the film was worth watching, but the bonus DVD was awesome; very interesting life story of struggling loser), The Falcon & The Snowman (dated 80's espionage flick, but well done), Vera Drake (1950's British illegal abortionist gets caught; what I liked about this film was that they never made a media spectacle of her arrest; instead they focused on the impact to the family of Vera's secret activities; very good), Destination Tokyo (Cary Grant's only war film; typical of the time), Help! (The Beatles' second film; silly 2nd outing for the Fab Four, but OK), One Day in September (1972 Munich Olympics tragedy; excellent film showing how pathetic the police were at foiling the terrorists, thus worsening a bad situation), Mulan 2 (Disney sequel to, duh, Mulan; OK sequel for what it was; Mushu the dragon (played by Eddie Murphy in the first Mulan) is the exact same character as "Donkey" from the Shrek movies; more limited talent stretched by Disney), Night and Day (Cary Grant; mediocre Cole Porter biopic), Office Space (this is one of those not-quite-there movies that has great potential, but just seems to come up short somehow; some very funny scenes, though)

2005-04-01 It's April Fool's Day. Woo. Hoo. I'm not much of an April fool since I can't tell one day from the next and I seem to end up the fool on the other 364 days equally, so why celebrate it? Now that that's off my chest, lemme get back to bitching: why does every single person in America have a freakin' bottle of water with them at all times? For that matter, why do I have a freakin' bottle of water with me at all times? It's not like any of us are more than 12 seconds from a public water source. Jeez. I still can't get over that that film "Detour" was only shot in 6 days; now I officially have no freakin' excuse for not making a film. I really love typing the word "freakin'"; it's so much freakin' fun (and FCC compliant, those freakin' a-holes). Have a nice freakin' weekend.
Movies: The Children's Hour (60's Audrey Hepburn progressive film about a school run by two women who are accused of being lesbians and the resulting backlash caused by the lie; worth a look and it's not as dated as you might think), Together (Chinese film about child prodigy (violin) and his single father's efforts to make him successful; falls into some typical patterns, but very good), Killer Bait (40's film noir aka "Too Late for Tears"; couple gets a bag of money mistakenly thrown into their car; nice premise and has that great film noir dialogue, such as: "don't ever change, Tiger, I don't think I'd like you with a heart." Yeah.), SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (expect silly fun and ye shall receive), Marathon Man (Dustin Hoffman; I never liked Dustin Hoffman, but he's good in this; it looks a little dated, but it's pretty good), Black Ball (National Lampoon British comedy about "bowls" (lawn bowling); largely irrelevant (no one in America bowls), but it's like Happy Gilmore with a talented-but-rough-around-the-edges kid outperforming the stuffy greats of the sport), A Nous A Libertie (1930's French film that Charlie Chaplin was sued for stealing for his (inferior) 1936 film Modern Times; this is pretty good, but unwatchable if you don't enjoy films from this era), Head In The Clouds (Charlize Theron can't act, but Penelope Cruz and Stuart Townsend are decent in this; it's OK, but only if you can see it for free), They Were Expendable (John Wayne 40's WWII flick; idle, but OK, like most of these war movies)

Top 2005-03-29 Who's the moron that decided to stitch that nylon edging onto clothing tags -- you know the kind of tags that ITCH LIKE HELL? And why is EVERY SINGLE DVD that gets released a "special edition"? And, while we're on the subject, how come Robert Plant and Jimmy Page were so incredible in Led Zeppelin, but neither has produced a single decent song since splitting up? Jeez, even Ringo Starr had decent solo hit songs. And sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much.
Movies: Mean Creek (kids' prank gone wrong; one Culkin kid and one kid dead; OK), Paparazzi (2004; looks like a made-for-TV flick; tried too hard to make a statement; watchable at best), Daddy and Them (Billy Bob Thornton wrote & starred; enjoyable dysfunctional Southern family comedy that's not great, but it's surprisingly good; loses pace at the very end), Vanity Fair (Reese Witherspoon's forehead; boring period piece), Last of the Dogmen (an extremely annoying Dukes of Hazard type narrator almost ruined this flick; it, too, has a made-for-TV look, but I liked it), Detour (1945 very low budget film noir that works on many levels; includes the best nasty female in film history; the whole film was shot in 6 days, thus cruelly emphasizing my own lack of filmed output), Guess Who (Bernie Mac, Ashton Kutcher; Ugh squared; I thought this would at least be mildly cute, but it sucked even more than you think), Employee of the Month (Matt Dillon, Steve Zahn; too many plot twists ruined this coulda-been-good flick and what happened to that cute Kelly Bundy?), Intimate Strangers (French film about a woman who mistakes a tax attorney for a psychiatrist and their ensuing encounters; calming and well done)
Music: Dean Martin - Essential (OK, he's a drunk version of Bing Crosby, but I still want to hang out with him, well, when he was alive), Led Zeppelin - random mix (what phenomenal output)
Book: Strangers in Paradise: High School by Terry Moore (this was recommended by Amazon readers that didn't like Ghost World; it's basically about two high school girls (one goody goody and one rebellious one) hanging out, but I didn't really care for either character nor their situations. I did enjoy the English student's poem about breasts, though)

2005-03-15 It's happening: after 17 years of listening, I'm finally getting sick of Howard Stern. Mind you, this has nothing to do with lesbians or boobs or anything raunchy; I'm just getting bored with his shtick. I don't know what changed lately, but I'm so tired of hearing about his FCC imposed limitations and it's so overdone talking to airhead hot chicks and drooling over them. Maybe it's because everyone else has picked up on what he was doing 20 years ago. Stern's so much more clever than that, but he's not delivering nearly to his capacity. I will not be following him to satellite radio, but if he only concentrates on telling his audience how moronic the FCC is, I won't be missing anything. Besides, we already know what morons run the FCC. The key is to be creative within their guidelines, which he used to be. Wow, it feels so weird growing up.
Movies: Shaolin Soccer (I enjoyed this slapstick comedy; it reminded me of early Jackie Chan, before he got lame), Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow (Angelina Jolie; this was more enjoyable than I thought; it looked stupid, but it was actually kinda fun; good Saturday afternoon flick), Bright Young Things (Emily Mortimer; I love Evelyn Waugh's books; this is the film version of "Vile Bodes"; it's a great story centering around the idle rich in the 1920's; one of my favorite eras), Shark Tale (animated garbage trying to piggyback on success of related films; utter crap with too many celebrities and every fish-related pun anyone could think of), Kitchen Stories (oddball Swedish film about a study of a bachelor's kitchen habits, being watched by an ever-present scientist atop a high chair in the kitchen; the story concentrates on the friendship between the two; it's very appealing and odd it all the right ways), The Def Leppard Story (I thought this was documentary when I rented it instead of actors playing rock stars; OK, but typical rock star story of drugs, alcohol, women, fame, fighting, fast cars, etc)
Book: Ghost World by Daniel Clowes (graphic novel that the movie was based on; this was much different from the movie, but I thoroughly enjoyed both; a must read if you hate anyone)

2005-03-13 In the past people used to collect autographs as personal memorabilia, but now it (like everything else) has become a profitable business. I think it's an extremely lame pursuit collecting purchased autographs. I have a few celebrity autographs (obtained personally) and I can't imagine paying for one. True, if the person's dead then you don't have an option, but what's the point? My own mild personal pleasure I derive from these idiots is that they use Sharpie markers for autographs and, apparently the ink bleeds over time, so their ultra-rare Mickey Mantle autographed photo will soon become a worthless blur. Actually, it's worthless today, save for the fact that some moron is willing to pay good money for it. Ugh.
Movies: Friday Night Lights (sports films are a losing cause; either the team wins on a last-second miracle play or they come really close and lose on a last-second play (this case) and in the process learn a lesson that's bigger than the sport itself; lame), Mr 3000 (Bernie Mac; lite fun about an aging baseball player who comes back to correct a statistical error; final play, FYI, would never happen in a real game), Two Brothers (animal kid-flick; enjoyable and thankfully the animals don't have celebrity voices), Metallica Some Kind of Monster (I like this film more each time I see it; it goes way beyond just a band making a sucky album; watch it), Flight Of The Phoenix (original James Stewart version; much better than the recent remake, but a bit overlong), Rundown (The Rock, Stifler; this was a decent action film, but I feel bad that Stifler will never be able to shake that Stifler image), The Forgotten (Julianne Moore; I thoroughly enjoyed this film, although the ending was admittedly weak; maybe it's my Julianne Moore bias, but 9/10ths of this film is really good), Weeping Camel (animal story of camel rejected by its mother and the situation gets corrected through some sort of musical "healing"; interesting and worth a look, if nothing else), Bad Boys (Will Smith; I never realized how poor this movie was, but it's just plain bad, boys)

2005-03-03 Sorry for the MIA lately, but I've been avoiding you. Since I'm so completely sick of today's trash music, I've been listening to a big band station (and I don't mean "big bands" like Led Zeppelin or Van Halen); it's that 1940's music with orchestras and whatnot (is "whatnot" a real word?). Although some of it's a bit cliche, there's really a ton of great music from that era and it's certainly a breath of fresh air. They have a commercial on the station that states: "If you can understand the lyrics, then you know you're listening to WVNJ." That just cracks me up. Jeez music sucks now.
Movies: Little Black Book (more like "little brown turd"), Pride (Kate Winslet voice-over of lion film; tolerable), A Day Without A Mexican (nice idea, but I fell asleep while it dragged on), Cellular (Kim Basinger; this was much, much better than I thought it would be; worth a look despite its seemingly weak premise), M. Night Shama-lama-dingbat's The Village (the first hour of this was pretty good, but the last half stunk; weak premise and it had a lot of Twilight Zone ripoff stuff; it should have been a short film), No Good Deed (AKA House On Turk Street) (Samuel Jackson; weak captor/captive story), Autumn Spring (enjoyable foreign movie about an old guy and his schemes and, duh, life), State Troopers (silly Dukes of Hazzard style weak comedy with some funny scenes; very watchable if you aim reaaaal low), The Door in the Floor (decent, but little or no action makes it drag), The Wedding Singer (Adam Sandler; I'm starting to hate Adam Sandler less; this was OK, but I'd seen it before), Buying The Cow (silly dating/relationship farce comedy that doesn't quite measure up); Jeez movies suck now.
Book: Michael Jordan - For The Love Of The Game (OK, so it's not a real book, but it had some cool pictures. What's funny about Jordan is that since he was such a great player, you're lulled into thinking he has something to say (I call this the "Bono Law"); I enjoyed reading it, well, I liked the pictures and reliving the memories of that great Bulls run in the 90's. Jeez the NBA sucks now.

Top 2005-02-23 OK, it seems I haven't groaned about things that annoy me lately, but this latest crop of crap movies will help me vent. Have I ever stated that I'm entirely sick of Indian/foreign films centering around an arranged marriage? Ugh; one film per millennium is enough. Jeez, when are people gonna grow up, act like adults and MAKE THEIR OWN FREAKIN' DECISIONS? I haven't listened to my parents in years....but I think they still love me, though, don't they? Mom? Are you there? Hello?
Movies: Confessions of an American Girl (Jena Malone; white trash peaks, Jena Malone doesn't; crap), Salton Sea (didn't last 20 minutes; I tired of watching guys do drugs), Peter Pan (2004 version; I think even kids must've HATED this film, ejected after 20 minutes), Sleeping Dictionary (Emily Mortimer; decent, but don't race out and rent it), Dischord (pretty actress in a lame movie), Mona Lisa Smile (Kirsten Dunst and the undertalented/overrated Julia "my kid's name is Phinnaeus" Roberts; tolerable, but I prepared for a vomitous chick flick; I nearly did vomit at every Julia Stiles scene with that horrible acting), Butterfield 8 (Elizabeth Taylor in yet another film that makes you wonder how she became so famous; maybe it's her thingies...? OK, at best), Fallen (I liked this, but how come every Denzel Washington film ends in a showdown of some sort?), Without a Paddle (expect little and you'll enjoy this; met expectations), Pride and Prejudice A Latter Day Comedy (2004 Mormon remake; this wasn't too bad a version; I'll take it over the serious ones any day), Wimbledon (Kirsten Dunst playing a spoiled brat chick for a change; she needs to expand if she wants her career to last; she can start by picking better scripts), Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood; this is probably one of the first films I've ever seen where I realized that if you remove the marquee names, no one on earth would be praising this film; it was decently done, but not nearly deserving of the accolades being cast its way; also, I can't stand to hear Clint Eastwood speak; he should seriously consider hanging up his acting shoes or play non-speaking roles), No Vacancy (Christina Ricci; another throwaway, but watchable indie with some good clips)
Music: George Harrison/Beatles - Something (I could hear this song 100,000 times and I still think it's one of the best songs ever written. Damn it's good.)

2005-02-11 I bought a CD recorder online a week or two ago and it seems there's this new approach to fraud prevention that's a little, uh, invasive. Here's the deal: I provided a phone number (NOT a land line), my home address, my credit card information (NOT the same billing address as home) and my email address and ordered online. The next day I received an email (thus verifying my email address) stating that my order could not be delivered since my address could not be verified. I called up (using the phone matching the number I provided) and had an annoying chat with the rep. Bottom line, they claimed that although the charge on my card went through OK and my billing address AND phone number AND email had all been verified, they could not place the order unless I could prove that my phone number matched my physical address OR if I could call the credit card company and add my home address to my credit card billing address list. Ugh; all for a stupid CD player. Anyway, I cancelled the order and gave their store a crappy review on a reseller review site. On the review site I found a few other similar complaints about them -- wanting credit card images (front and back) faxed to them, etc. Upon receiving the bad review, they started firing off emails to me explaining their side of things. No soap, I left it intact. Anyway, this was for the biggest photo/video store in Manhattan (I'll not mention them by name, let's just call them Butt-Head Photo/Video) and now I'll never deal with them again. If you love me, you'll do the same. I'm still waiting for the credit for the cancelled order (why do charges go through immediately, but credits take forever?).
Movies: Open Water (this basically stunk, but: a) it did have hooters and b) I liked the ending; it's just that a story of two divers stranded in the middle of the ocean just can't sustain suspense and well, anything else, for 90 minutes), The Healer (aka Julie Walking Home; I enjoyed this very good film, despite the weak (almost cop out) ending; I like Miranda Otto, too; she's such a malleable actress), Elephant (can you say "Columbine-meets-unnecessarily-long-tracking-shots-of-students-walking-school-hallways?; utter crap from an otherwise OK director), Code 46 (Samantha Morton, Tim Robbins; another memory-erasing futuristic flick that was waaay too light on the clever aspects), Eloise At Christmastime (I hate to admit it, but I do like these new film versions of the classic Eloise books; this looked like it was filmed at the same time as the Eloise film; lite family fun flick. yeah.)

2005-02-10 There is nothing more hopelessly pathetic than one of these morons who break up with someone and subsequently can't move on with their lives (especially pathetic when the breakup was due to their lunacy). When will people realize that the world is full of incredible things to do and whining about your lost love ad infinitum is NOT one of them (like updating a personal website is...?). Urgent News Update: some people still make me wanna vomit.
Movies: The Poseidon Adventure (70's ship disaster flick; still good, although the effects can't compare to today's), Slackers (could have been much better, but wasn't), Love The Hard Way (Adrian Brody playing Nicolas Cage against a nice NYC backdrop; decent), The Awful Truth (formulaic Cary Grant 'screwball comedy'; formula, but mildly appealing), One Night At McCool's (a crime-like version of 'There's Something About Mary'; you know, every guy wants this chick so much they'll do anything for her; I guess I would have liked it better if I thought Liv Tyler was hot), Baadasssss (Mario Van Peebles' (I have no clue who that is) story of his father's struggles to make an independent film; much better than it sounds), Surviving Christmas (Ben Affleck; damn I love Ben Affleck... actually, this was OK (especially when Affleck gets clocked with a snow shovel!), but a little obvious), Danny Deckchair (I liked this, but I'm realizing that my standards are slowly getting lowered; it wasn't great, but very enjoyable), Anchorman (I take back everything I said about Will Ferrell; this sucked BIGtime)

Top 2005-01-27 Well, I finally shook that nasty case of syphilis, uh, I mean, the flu...yeah, the flu, so I'm all ready to be annoyed all over again. (Did you ever notice that it's always a 'nasty' case of syphilis? Aren't there any beautiful cases out there?) Today's annoyance is with the multitude of imbeciles who seem bent on a mission to "raise public awareness". I'd like to raise my fist and smack each idiot, one by one. Look, the public, in whole, is one collective MORON, plain and simple. They voted a goofball into the White House and they buy Celine Dion CDs while chomping down fast food washed down with soda. The general public will also gather around their TV sets on Super Bowl Sunday and intently watch all the overpriced commercials hawking crap products that they will then consume en masse. The general public neither wants to be informed nor are they capable of grasping even the simplest concepts of which they need to be informed. They just want football, TV, chicks, horrid pop tunes, beer and naked photos of women with big thingies in tight sweaters with that "Hey, Big Boy" look upon their pouty faces...oh, wait a minute,...wrong list. Damn it's great to be feeling better! Now where's my Shania Twain CD?
Movies: Timeline (time travel back to medieval times movie; fun and slightly better than it seems), The Chronicles of Riddick (Vin Diesel, sci-fi; you guess how it is and you'd be right), The Clearing (Helen Mirren; I like Helen Mirren, but this was kinda weak), On Edge (the ice skating equivalent of Drop Dead Gorgeous and Strictly Ballroom and Best In Show and countless other formulaic "contest" movies; this was less clever than all of the above), Happy Gilmore (Adam Sandler; shoot me now; I liked an Adam Sandler comedy), Lost Junction (decent, strange smalltown noir-esque murder/robbery/affair/etc type flick; odd, but good), Broken Wings (very good Israeli flick about a family falling apart and illustrates that ballads, however beautiful, canNOT be sung in Hebrew), Intermission (I enjoyed this Irish film about, well, losers, love and robbery; I had to put on the subtitles throughout, though, because I couldn't decipher those accents one bit), The Man With the Golden Gun (James Bond-age film; sometimes you just need a James Bond film; this was the first I ever saw in a theater and I still like it, as lite as it is)

2005-01-16 More movies, more toast and soup and water and juice and being sick still sucks.
Movies: The Eye (very good Japanese ghost story about eye-transplant recipient who starts seeing ghostly images through her new eyes; scary in all the right ways), Stateside (Rachel Leigh Cook;"based on a true story" about teenage Marine who falls in love with mentally ill (and, uh, cute) chick; decent and watchable), Young Adam (Emily Mortimer; dark, but engrossing flick; it holds your attention throughout and avoids many of the obvious pits that most films settle in), Garage Days (Australian struggling band movie; some very funny parts; it's better than it sounds), Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle (OK, fine, I can admit I'm a White Castle bigot (that is, in favor of White Castle), so naturally I should like this movie; well, I loved it, so there. This is must see video at its finest (and grab a sack while you're watching it)), Sharpe's Sword (UK TV movie period piece; not my taste, but it was OK)

2005-01-14 I HATE being sick. All I can do is sit around and watch TONS of movies, most of which suck. I can't shake this flu; it's the first time I've been sick in almost three years. What's so odd is how literally everybody is talking about this flu and almost everybody is wondering if it's a new terrorist threat. I blame Bush, simply because he's a moron. Phlegm, anyone?
Movies: The Last Time I Saw Paris (Elizabeth Taylor, Donna Reed; standard wartime flick that makes you wonder if Liz Taylor ever made a good film), Mayor of the Sunset Strip (the Rodney Bingenheimer story (LA DJ famous for discovering bands; he played Van Halen, among others, before they got big) good biography of relatively unknown, but famous DJ; it's interesting to note how completely forgotten most of the featured celebrities (including Elvis) have become), Drop Dead Roses (major crap; I theorized that Kevin Smith secretly wrote/directed this because it's a Clerks rehash (a la Kevin Smith) and it sucked (a la Kevin Smith) and it has all kinds of Kevin Smith-isms (bad amateur acting, re-use of bad actors, too much dialog, etc)...anyway, it appears some chick is responsible, but that's OK, because based on this she won't be making another), The Italian Job (1969 version; Michael Caine; I've been trying to catch this movie for many years and it was worth the wait; what a great film; the remake, although decent, comes nowhere near this film), Osama (Afghanistan film about young Afghan girl pretending to be a boy to escape Taliban oppression; well made (albeit slow) and somewhat depressing), Out Cold (brainless, lite fun; expect little and you'll enjoy it (btw, I did, but then again, I'm sick and in a fog)), Poor White Trash (brainless, independent, low-budget, lite fun, at best), Lovely and Amazing (Emily Mortimer, very good film about two daughters and their mom and their collective dysfunctionality; well acted, but the theme wasn't the best), The Big Empty (confusing movie that was good to watch, probably because of the quirky characters and situations), Old School (Will Ferrell; OK, it's "Animal House", but it's much better the second time around), Homeless to Harvard (Thora Birch TV movie "based on a true story" about homeless teen Liz Murray who gets into Harvard; decent), Interstate 60 (I'd never heard of this film and grabbed it on a whim; it was really enjoyable; I could have done without the raunchiness, but if it were made lighter, it could have been perfect; anyway, it's worth a watch), Daydream Believers (the Monkees' story without the Monkees; interesting, but these biopics are always, well, LAME; commentary by 3/4 of the original Monkees made for the best viewing)

2005-01-01 I think this is the first New Year's celebration that I slept through -- I fell asleep at 9:30 and I really don't care. For all you cheap asses out there: I stumbled on the BEST movie rental deal out there - at Hollywood Video the MVP program for 14.95 a month (deducts from your credit card), you get unlimited 5-day rentals. You can keep 3 videos out at a time. It's like Netflix, but you don't have to mail anything back. If you have a Hollywood Video near you, do it because you can borrow crap like Dogville and not be pissed off that it cost you $4.29 to rent. I guess I'm gonna be a cheap ass for another year.
Movies: Scorched (Alicia Silverstone; lite bank robbery flick; easy to watch; OK), Dogville (Nicole Kidman; unwatchable; it lasted 20 minutes), Pickup On South Street (film noir from the 50's; well done), Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events (another good book series turned into film; good adaptation, but I wish they just stayed as books), Tupperware (PBS documentary about plastic bowls; it's amazing (and equally bizarre) how this company seems to have this cult-like following of loyal women pushing their products; worth a look), The Young Lions (OK 50's war picture), Twisted (crap Ashley Judd picture), Spring Summer Fall Winter and Spring (Buddhist life lessons through a young boy and a wise monk; very good film if only because it'll illustrate how virtually incapable modern man would be living under the same conditions), Before Sunrise (Ugh, what crap), United States of Leland (I liked this offbeat film), I'll Sleep When I'm Dead (alright, at best), Strictly Ballroom (I never tire of this movie; it's still good), Helter Skelter (2004 version; the Charles Manson actor did a great job, but this version left out too much detail from the book), The Aviator (Leonardo DiCaprio; I think Leonardo is a good actor and he does well in this, but jeez I can't stand the Katharine Hepburn actress (maybe because Kate herself was so damn annoying); it's a good, not great film), Sleepover (teen flick with that cool kids vs geeks theme; OK for what it was), Spanglish (Adam Sandler, some cute Mexican chick; I never thought I'd recommend an Adam Sandler movie, but this is good and he did a good job acting in it), Flight of the Phoenix (hey, SpongeBob was sold out; this sucked, but I got a good line out of it: "Religion divides people"; maybe I'll put that on a t-shirt), Two Brothers and a Bride (Emily Mortimer; 2 brothers to to Russia to find a wife and use Emily Mortimer as a translator; this was decent; I can't pinpoint what I like about Emily Mortimer, but on certain angles she has the most pleasant face I've ever seen; I wanna be her friend)