2002-12-29 I totally scored this Xmas with Grand Theft Auto III for Playstation2 and Amelie on DVD. Gotta go waste some people now...
Movies: Birthday Girl (Nicole Kidman (looking her least glamourous) played a Russkie reasonably well; at one point in this movie, the plot could have been really, really, good, but the filmmakers completely missed their chance. I really need to make a film.), Thin Blue Line (true crime; should have been called 'thin plot line'; it sucked), The Sweetest Thing (Cameron Diaz; quite possibly the worst piece of crap made starring a goofy-looking but nice-butted chick)

2002-12-22 This holiday season finally made me vomit. I overhead some suburban white couple talking about getting their kids the new Osbourne Family dolls. Ugh. I wish I could explain to you lambs how frustratingly annoying it is that Ozzy is now loved by the teeming millions (Cecil kicks butt). The funny thing is that Ozzy is still Ozzy, so I can't use the tired line that he 'sold out' that ALL fans use when they get tired of their idols. However, I wish words could describe my annoyance with Middle America and the ease at which they get programmed to love whatever is put in front of them. Speaking of which, I was at Walmart® yesterday and came up with a new tagline for them; how's this: "Walmart®, where white trash shops™." I love it. I'll be contacting Sam any day now.
Movies: Mouse Hunt (very good kids' movie), Stuart Little 2 (cute, but even this sequel disappointingly had little (no pun intended) to do with the book), Talk To Her (2 women in comas and the 2 men in their, well, "lives"; beautiful at times), The Opportunists (Cyndi Lauper, Christopher Walken; overly weak 'former criminal/now clean man with a chance at one last robbery; ugh. no creative angles whatsoever.)
Music: Draw Pinky - Wee (Sacramento, CA cabaret/theatrical band's 2nd CD; too bad (or maybe it's good) that not many people know about them; "Hungry Ghosts" rules)

2002-12-19 Why is the media saying '...IF we should go to war with Iraq" when it seems pretty damn certain we're gonna hit 'em? And all these media morons are doing their Top Lists of 2002, because, well, you listen to them. Ugh. I heard on the radio that they were doing a countdown of the Top 50 CDs of 2002. christ, I can't even name 10 songs of 2002 that were decent. The media makes me wanna puke. The media would be great if it weren't for the people (DJ's, news anchors, etc) and their inane opinions. Lucky for you I keep my opinions to myself...ah, screw it. Enjoy your day.
Music: ...that Brenda Lee line continues to hover in my head

2002-12-16 Who are the persons who purchase Chia® Pets (and Chia® Heads, etc)? For the record, I already have all of them so it won't even make a good gag gift for me. I sure could use some dried mangoes under the tree instead. Hoo Boy would that be funny...
Movie: Thir13en (Thirteen) Ghosts (First 1/3 was boring, second 1/3 was awesome, final 1/3 was ridiculously stupid; besides that, the annoying black chick and the young kid served no purpose whatsoever; overall I'd give it a B-)
Music: Kate Bush - December Will Be Magic Again (...let the wild rumpus start!!)

2002-12-15 It's not that I hate christmas, it's more that I hate everybody at christmas time (like the time of year has any impact on my views). I actually like christmas (although I loooove calling it Xmas to piss off the Xians, I mean christians). Anyway, here are a few things that truly annoy me every year: 1) that stupid ass 12 days of xmas song (the writer should be drawn and quartered), 2) in that equally sucky song 'the first noel' where they rhyme 'noel' with 'Israel' ("noel, noel ...the king of Iz-Roy-Ell), 3) that Rudolph is hated and ridiculed until Santa acknowledges him and then "how the reindeer love him" (fickle freaking reindeer)...Ugh. To be fair, here's what I love every xmas: 1) the first playing of Kate Bush's "December Will Be Magic Again", 2) snow (too bad California, you lose), 3) Brenda Lee singing '...later we'll have some f&%king pie' in "Rockin' around the Xmas Tree" (go ahead, listen to it now), 4) watching "It's a Wonderful Life" for the 300th time; best line: "kid:'...Dad, how do you spell Hallelujah?' Dad:'How do I know? Whaddya think I am a dictionary?'", and of course the true meaning of xmas: presents (I need Ghost World on DVD, the Japanese trilogy of 'Ring' on DVD, the Cobain Journals book, a 1Gb Microdrive flash memory chip (for my shoulder), a trip to Pompeii, a 6 megapixel digital camera, a Red Rider sureshot BB gun with a compass in the stock,.... yeah, whatever.
Movies: The Scorpion King (obvious, but OK for what it was), Mystery Men (this movie is incredibly stupid, but I still enjoy it every time, although I could have done without Pee Wee Herman's role. Come to think of it, what did 'invisible guy' bring to the table?)
Music: UFO - Strangers In The Night (awesome live set from a completely underrated 70's hard rock band)

2002-12-13 The phrase "golden shower" sounds so pleasing until you learn its meaning. Yeah, it's typical for plushophiles like you to be aware of all this web-enhanced (induced?) strangeness. In the meantime, download Opera, the closest-to-W3-standards web browser; it's awesome (and you won't have to kowtow to Microsoft ever again..., well you know what I mean). I may even cough up the $30 for it (the free version has ads). Get it here, plushie breath.
Music: that new Queens of The Stone Age song (no clue what it's called; it sounds a lot like Helmet)
Movies: Double Life of Veronique (interesting French flick from the guy who did the Red, White, Blue trilogy; too slow pour moi, j'ai dormi), Rock My World (Alicia Silverstone; she's still cute, but oh so sexless; a lite, fun film), The Big One (Michael Moore at it again; this time, he's mostly wrong and annoying. He attacks employers for basically making money and I'm so sick of Flint, MI stories -- dude, it's a craphole. I'm sorry your hometown sucks so bad, but face facts, nothing is going to turn Flint, MI around.)

2002-12-11 Didja hear the one about the guy with three balls? They called him E.T. - the extra testicle!!
Movie: E.T. (DVD updated 2002 version; no extra testicle here; it's still kinda cute, though)

2002-12-08 Wow, the 22nd John Lennon death anniversary is upon us. I still remember listening to Dennie Erectus on radion station KOME in San Jose, CA back when it happened. I stayed up all night listening to all the radio tributes. I'm not really sure why I did, but I guess it just felt better to do something other than sleeping. It's strange how these events become defining moments in one's life. I'm just happy to report that most of my life's defining moments are found within my own world and not some celebrity's.
Music: Arlo Guthrie - Best Of (City of New Orleans, Coming Into Los Angeles,...)
Movies: Gettysburg (ejected after 30 minutes; was probably well done, but it was like doing homework; STRIKE 1), Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (OK, I knew this was gonna suck, but I tried to be sensitive to suck-ass chick flicks; ejected after 40 minutes (I really tried); STRIKE 2), Great Mouse Detective (I thought this'd be cute, but it just sucked bone; ejected after 20 minutes; STRIKE 3)...I'M OUT...

2002-12-05 Will someone tell all these chunky chicks to PLEASE not wear belly shirts? The world will thank you.
Movies: Pump Up The Volume (Christian Nicholson, I mean, Slater; still a cool flick after all these viewings); L.I.E. (independent film about Long Island (worst place to live); pretty lame and depressing, but that's what the LIE is all about)

2002-12-02 Today is just a great day... My mind is moving 120 kilometers per millisecond (don't ask me to convert that) and the projects are coming in and going out. The creative juices are flowing and the dogs are on the futon and I don't care. Yeah, whataday. You can have some of it if you want...
Movie: Cookie's Fortune (Robert Altman film; slow, typical fare, but you knew that because all Robert Altman films are slow and typical)
Music: Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, Bob, Carol, Ted & Alice - compilation (Suite: Judy Blue Eyes, Our House, Marakesh Expresh, Southern Man, etc... Neil Young has such a whiny voice "...thEre iS a ToWn In NOrTh OntARiO..." Yeah, I think he rules, too.)

Top 2002-11-29 I hate getting phone calls. Every time the phone rings, it just means wasted time. Don't bother me. Don't you have some shopping to do?
Movie: Joe Vs. The Volcano (I've wanted to see this for years and what a disappointment it turned out to be. It started out great -- the first 30 minutes were perfect, albeit a bit slow, but clever and funny, and then it just fell completely apart and d r a g g e d on and on. Too bad. It's just like all those nice, cute, ambitious and wide-eyed kids that grow up to be peckerheads (you know the ones -- they're in your family!!) Don't worry, I was a nice, cute, ambitious and wide-eyed kid myself once, too.
Music: AM Gold 1962-1979 (Ah...all the best of the worst songs you've ever heard spanning 20 years of "...hey, I know this song!!". Includes all those forgettable songs: Baby Come Back, Muskrat Love, Rock Me Gently, Knock Three Times, Beach Baby, Downtown, If I Had A Hammer and MANY MORE!! How much would you pay for this collection? WAIT, don't answer until you've seen this!!)

2002-11-27 Thanksgiving tip #21: the amino acid L-tryptophan (found in turkey meat) does not necessarily cause your after-dinner drowsiness; it's all the other stuff (pun intended) that is probably doing it. Carbohydrate-rich foods (like pumpkin pie, breads, yams, potatoes, etc) are more likely the reason for your sleepiness (plus your idiot in-laws' table conversations). Read more here. Not that I really care, but what's curious about this slight misconception is how it has seemingly become an accepted fact by most people, yet not a single one can explain why (because if they scratched the surface, they'd learn differently). I'mtiredI'mgoingtobednowHappyThanksgiving!
Movies: Three Colors - White (French trilogy - Blue, White & Red (like their stupid flag); well done flicks, though. On to Red next week!!), 40 Days and 40 Nights (I knew this was gonna suck, but I just wanted a lite flick; well, it sucked and had a zero hooter factor, which is especially lame for a movie with this idiotic premise. I have no one to blame but the terrorists.), Chasing Holden (IMDB fans hated this flick, but I enjoyed it; I'm a sucker for messed up intellectual misfits...hey, maybe I'm onto something...BROTHER!!!)
Music: Guns N' Roses - G N' R Lies (After yesterday's slamfest with 'Appetite' I thought I'd move ahead with their next release. Y'know, the music isn't bad, but on this listening all I could think about was how Axl is just some whiny rich rock star who has lost sight of the reason he made it big in the first place. It's amazing how a colossal ego can ruin such a good band. It's a good thing it never happened to Van Halen... Oh well, nevermind.)

2002-11-26 OK, I know all you lambs are intelligent, so I expect you all to agree that this McDonald's vs. obesity lawsuit is a total joke. Apparently, a few elephants are suing McDonald's for contributing to their obesity. This is sickening, but, sadly, this is America. What's most bizarre about this is that no one seems to be shocked about this case being filed. We should be appalled and not accustomed to crap like this. Oh, for your information, McDonald's serves garbage that may clog your arteries and if you're eating there, you're probably already overweight. Eat an apple, instead, and walk to your next (soon to be frequent) doctor's appointment.
Music: Guns N' Roses - Appetite For Destruction (Max volume; just the right dose of anger)

2002-11-25 Ever wanna be notified when a celebrity dies? Check out CelebrityDeathBeeper's site and sign up for their email notification. Another interesting site is AllMyLifeForSale, about some guy who sold his personal possessions on Ebay and followed the stories of the items in their new homes.
Movie/Music break...All media tires me today...it's NPR (talk radio) all day.

2002-11-22 Oh, great, it's Thanksgiving week. I give thanks that less people bothered me this year than last. I give thanks for pumpkin pie still tasting good after all these years. I give thanks that I can still manage to find one good film among 1,000. I give thanks for music that is over 20 years old and still sounds great. I give thanks that certain authors shared their experiences with me via their books. Finally, I give thanks that the best city on the map is still on the map. Let's hope it stays around after all those towel heads, etc... finish what they perceive to be god's work.
Music: Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill (it's funny how this CD sounds so much better now that she's completely forgotten... (she's still a whackjob, though.) Isn't it ironic?)
Movies: Die Another Day (Typical James Bond; explosions, chicks, "suspense" and more far-fetched escapes than Vin Diesel), Portrait of Jennie (Joseph Cotten, Jennifer Jones; OK at best, with some nice shots of 1940's Central Park), Leave Her to Heaven (Cornel Wilde, Gene Tierney, Jeanne Crain; light, slow and just plain OK)

2002-11-20 Does anyone know if Salma Hayek's thingies are real?
Music: Eagles - Eagles/Desperado/On the Border ("Train Leaves Here This Morning" is just a nice, relaxing tune...zzzzz)
Movies: Frida (Salma Hayek and her thingies (and a horrid unibrow) in Diego/Frida Rivera story; well done, but slooow moving), Enigma (Kate Winslet in a hooterless role; decent wartime flick about British codebreakers using the Enigma machine to break the German Uboat codes), Changing Lanes (Ben Affleck suckfest (but you knew that already); lame idea, been done and christ this guy can't act.)

2002-11-17 Is Eminem the best this generation can provide musically? If so, we are truly doomed. I don't care because dried mangoes kick butt.
Movies: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (OK, I bought into the hype; these movies are very well done, though. I only wish the author had held out and not converted the book series into films. This was my least favorite of the books and the film dragged a bit in parts.), Tigger Movie (This was OK, but offered nothing more than the old Winnie the Pooh TV cartoons. Also, it bothers me (to echo Pooh's famous phrase) that they spelled Tigger with an 'e' in the movie title, but on his mailbox it's spelled TIGGR. Oh Wll.

2002-11-16 There's a new horrid movie coming out about some chick who wakes up one morning and... (oh. please. the. suspense. is. killing. me.)...she has somehow been transformed overnight into a man, although inside she's still the same person. Now, you tell me who in the toilet known as Hollywood would put up good cash to produce a pile of crap such as this? It's only been done 187.932 times, and each time it was done poorly because THE PLOT SUCKS!! god I have to start making films. This continual release of this garbage will be the death of me.
Movie: Don't Look Back (1965 Bob Dylan documentary; very well done; enjoyable insight into the past, even for non-Dylan fans. Joan Baez does grate on one, though.)
Music: Bob Dylan - Greatest Hits I, II (Why not? I went to the concert, then saw the movie...this just seemed a natural follow-up.)

2002-11-14 There's a "new" Nirvana song that was just released (it's not a bad song) and as I listen to it, I realize that Nirvana was just another band that had one great album and were well on their way to eventually suckdom. Their sound is somewhat dated and irrelevant and their time had albeit come and gone by the time Kurt's body cooled. It's too bad that Cobain's most memorable moment was when he pulled the trigger because he did have some pretty cool songs at the time. Unfortunately, most of them don't hold up these days. The (also) newly released Kurt Cobain Journals are a riot, though. (I sure could use a copy for Xmas.)
Movie: Secretary (weird in most of the right ways. Messed up chicks are cool.)

2002-11-13 I generally don't go to concerts/shows, but I've been hitting a few lately and I have to admit that I'm thoroughly enjoying most of my theatre (or is that 'theater'?)-going experience. One thing I just don't get, though, is this deal with encores. I mean, every single schmoe in the place knows that the band is going to come out and play some more, so why make the audience wait 10 minutes before coming out? If I ever become a rock star (which will never happen, but suspend disbelief for the time being), I'm gonna just tell the audience what song was to have been my last song, and then immediately go into my "first encore" and after that, my "second encore" and so on. This way no one has to stand around like an idiot clapping like mad while the lead singer kills time backstage balancing his checkbook and/or taking a piss. Go see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway -- it's awesome.
Movie: Dick (Kirsten Dunst and some other teen chick; lighthearted story about Nixon and the Watergate thingie; the two chicks are pretty cool together, but something just doesn't mesh with this. Maybe it's the fact that no one really gives a crap about Nixon, Watergate or the 60's anymore.)

2002-11-11 I may have to kill someone. I recently was forced to sit through 25, yes you read that right, 25 goddamn minutes of previews and/or commercials at the movies the other day, all prior to the feature. Of course I showed up on time, but the f$#king feature didn't start until all this marketing material had aired (about 25 minutes). So, being the conscientious consumer I am, I wrote a letter (well, actually an email). The response I got I may post since it was so ridiculously absurd. The moron at Loew's (the guilty cinema) replied that movies cost so much to make today, that the poor theater owner must resort to selling commercial time at his overpriced theater (we paid $10 per ticket, not to mention concessions) in order to pay for these big budget actors and/or movies. He also said that this was the only option or ticket prices and concessions would have been raised further. Gimme a break...oh, wait, why don't you sell me one you greedy bastard? I also asked why they couldn't show this crap either a) after the feature, or b) 25 minutes prior to the scheduled start time (so no one ends up leaving the theater 25 minutes after they assumed they'd be finished, but the anus didn't address either of those questions. This crap really pisses me off. I'm gonna approach the Stay-Free chick about this one.
Movies: Femme Fatale (Rebecca Romeixjdeqxnijn Stamos; She makes Penelope Cruz come off as a great actress. This was the worst piece of garbage I've seen in recent years.), Hairspray (John Waters flick; amusing, but nothing great.), That Thing You Do (Tom Hanks wrote/directed/catered this flick about a fictitious one-hit wonder band; it's worth watching.)
Music: John Lennon - Imagine Album

2002-11-05 OK, y'wanna hear something that just sounds too fishy to be real? Well lambs, you know I'm not the biggest fan of the lottery, right? So, get this: last September 11th (2002) which was the one year anniversary of those bastards flattening the World Trade Center they held the daily lottery. Apparently there are about 217 lottery games in New York and one of them has a 3-digit number you can pick. Hey, 1 in a 1000 chance ain't so bad, right? So, on this date, 9-11-02, probably the most significant date worldwide (in recent history), guess what number comes up as the evening winner? You got it, 9-1-1. I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt this was truly random. It just seems waaaay too bizarre, especially when one thinks of all the good press the lottery would get at such a feat. Anyway, for all you skeptics, you can check the numbers here.
Movies: Auto Focus (Biopic of Bob "Hogan's Heroes/sex obsessed" Crane's murder; OK, could've (well, should've) been better), Pumpkin (more Christina Ricci fare; lite, but decent)
Music: John Lennon - Remember (the 5th of November)

2002-11-02 Isn't "Loudermilk" the funniest surname you've ever heard? I'm gonna change my name.
Movie: Bowling For Columbine (well done anti-gun documentary. I'll admit it was worth the wait. On some points he showed a little too much bias, but it was an enjoyable flick nonetheless.)

2002-11-01 No kids come by for Halloween any more. Isn't that kinda sad in an ironically non-tooth-decay sort of way? Oh well, I guess it's Skittles© and Starburst© for dinner.

Top 2002-10-30 I went to see Cyndi Lauper tonight. I don't care that everyone on earth is sick of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", but this girl can still sing. Unfortunately, she pulled a Kathy Lee Gifford and forced her poor kid into the limelight during the last couple of songs. The kid (I think he's almost 5 years old) was "drumming" onstage and was bored (yawned constantly) and was visibly annoyed with Mom Lauper and he didn't take a bow when prompted. Why do these schmoes always have to put their kids in the spotlight? It's another tortured child of a celebrity future biography in the making -- publishers please stand by.

2002-10-23 Reason #276 to hate New Jersey: "Bowling For Columbine" isn't playing anywhere in the state.
Movie: Amelie (Finally, another awesome film!! Although we all hate the French, they do make some good flicks. I'd wanted to see this film for a few months and it was well worth the wait. Amelie as a kid completely ruled. Very nicely done.)

2002-10-22 I never understood tipping (gratuity) practices (which may explain why I never leave my room). I mean, I always try to overtip at restaurants because I feel bad for the poor schmoe who's waiting on me and who obviously doesn't want to be a waiter forever, so I give them the nod, but what about other situations? For instance, someone delivered flowers to the house the other day. I didn't call or pay for them, but someone had them delivered to the house. The delivery guy acted strange about me taking them from his hand and about my not letting him into the house. (After all, I barely let people I know in my house!) Only later did I realize that he was bucking for a tip. Don't get me wrong, but aside from me being super cheap, why the hell does he deserve a tip from me? I mean, maybe, just maybe he's entitled to one from the purchaser, but why from me? Similarly, I experienced the most sickening version of this when we buried a family member about two years ago. Apparently the custom is to tip the priest for performing the burial service. OK, here's the storyboard: Mom's dead, grieve incessantly, get her estate in order, grieve some more, make funeral arrangements to appease the rest of the family, grieve again, notify potential funeral attendees, try (unsuccessfully) to stop grieving, oh, and god forbid you should forget to slip the priest a 20-spot on your way out of the cemetary. Ugh, I need a fruit smoothie.
Movies: Blast From The Past (cute film with Alicia (Uh-Lee-See-uh) Silverstone), The Ring (very well done horror flick. I liked especially the use of no-name (at least to me) actors and an interesting plot. The end was sort of lame, but whaddya want from an American movie? This is a remake (Ugh) of a Japanese film from 1998. I'll check out the original and report back. Domo origato, Mr. Roboto.)
Music: Cinderella - Once Upon A... (Best of) (More 80's hair band lite metal -- great for driving at sunset...)

2002-10-21 Ticketmaster pisses me off. I now know why I stopped going to concerts: it's because I refuse to give in to these greedy bastards who tack on ridiculous, unsubstantiated charges to your concert ticket prices. I was looking into a concert whose ticket prices were $36. Add to that price $8.30 (web orders) or $9.80 (phone orders) per ticket from Ticketmasterbator ("convenience charge") and another $3.50 per ticket for "building facility charge". On top of that crap, they tack on another $3.70 "order processing fee". Pisses me off. So, three tickets that should total $108 actually comes to over $147. Assholes. Didn't Pearl Jam take a stand against them years ago? I agree 100%. I'll wait for the bootleg video to surface (give it a week); I'd rather give my money to the bootleggers.
Movies: Brassed Off! (Brass band version of The Commitments, also a good film), True Lies (Enjoyable, but I like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Actually, Tom Arnold isn't too bad in this, either.)

2002-10-18 The people I fear most in life are those elderly people who have this completely false and overly excessive joie de vivre (that's "love of life" for you who either a) didn't know or b) hate the French and refuse to translate their idiotic phrases)...anyway, these people scare the living crap out of me because you just know that they're gonna lose it one day and shoot up a school or something. They're trying so hard to convince the world that they are as young and vivacious as a 20 year old, but they're just not. Why is it such a crime to grow old? These idiots are making it worse. When I get old, I plan on being just that: old. (I've already got 'curmudgeonly' down pat.)
Movies: Summer Catch (lame you've-seen-it-before Freddie Prinze Jr teen flick (don't ask)), Road Scholar (enjoyable drive across America documentary from some Rumanian Jew; a breath of fresh air, if nothing else), Jules et Jim (old B/W Truffaut film; good even on repeat viewings)
Music: Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet (for a lite-metal hair band, they've create the best key change known to the genre in 'Livin' on a Prayer')

2002-10-15 OK, I'm gonna rant: why is today's music such complete and utter crap? It's so godawfully unlistenable it makes me wanna vomit. None of these suckass bands are gonna be around in 5 months, much less 5 years. Music is in such a sorry state right now that the only halfway decent songs are only tolerable because they sound like older songs that were actually good. I'm so sick of that fag from Creed that I hope his son grows up to be gay and his sorry christian ass won't be able to deal with it. Ugh...are there any good bands out there?
Movies: Little Man Tate (overrated child prodigy flick), Eraser (slightly above average Schwarzenegger action flick),

2002-10-11 John Lennon's birthday passed the other day. It's really too bad he never got to see his son Sean grow up. What's worse is that the rest of us had to watch Sean grow up. I feel bad for Julian, though; he seems like a decent guy who unfortunately had John Lennon as his father. Sean, on the other hand, seems like a no-talent, spoiled rich kid who fortunately had John Lennon as his father.
Movies: Iris (decent, but probably Kate Winslet's weakest film to date.), Billy Elliot (this film just plain rules; "freakin' bally?")

2002-10-08 It cracks me up that America has only embraced the metric system insofar as measuring grams of fat and 2-liter bottles of soda. It just seems to make so much sense, but America just never caught on like so much of the rest of the world. If I had my way, though, I'd keep the current measurement system in favor of declaring English the national language so I never have to flip through my voter's registration (which comes complete in no less than six, yes, six damn languages!!) looking for the English version. You know, I really wouldn't even mind if the government declared another language like Esperanto as the national language, but for crissakes, choose one. As retarded as the French are, at least they all speak French. And, you know what?...if for some reason every other place on earth was filled up and I lost my mind (and with it my self respect) and had to move to France, well, I'd learn to speak French. "Donnez-moi le billet, s'il vous plait." J'ai fatigué...bonne nuit.
Movie: Black Hawk Down (another yawnfest of "let's-see-how-gory-we-can-make-this-combat-film" crap), Jamon Jamon (I now know why Penelope Cruz is in movies; check out her thingies in this one. Actually, outside of the silly story, the flick wasn't really that bad)

2002-10-04 Is Owen Wilson in every single movie made in the past 5 years? I think so.
Movie: Behind Enemy Lines (I'm scaring myself because I'm actually starting to really like these action flicks that are so predictable it's ridiculous. This one was very enjoyable, but I clearly have no standards by which to measure that.)
Music: Shona Laing - "Soviet Snow", "Glad I'm Not A Kennedy" (I second that.) -- two awesome 80's songs and she hasn't done squat since...

2002-10-03 I don't know. I just don't know.
Movie: A Brief History of Time (Stephen Hawking story. This guy just rules. He gives me hope that there are some thinkers out there that have little or no concern for the limelight but instead favour (I like British spellings) the pursuit of knowledge.
Music: Sam Phillips - Omnipop (It's only a flesh wound lambchop) (I've been in a Sam Phillips mood lately. Maybe it's the fall bringing it on.)

2002-10-01 You can't beat seeing a movie in a decent theater. I think I'm becoming obsessed all over again. I also wonder why they can't invent a silent-when-crinkled plastic wrap for movie candy. What gives?
Movie: Sweet Home Alabama (Reese Witherspoon's forehead; simple, obvious, feel-good chickish flick, but I liked it nonetheless.)

Top 2002-09-30 Has alcohol ever done anyone any good?
Movie: Death To Smoochy (I mistook this for another title; this one kinda sucked)
Music: Doobie Brothers - Best Of (...or should I say "Boobie Brothers"?...god that cracks me up for some reason.)

2002-09-28 Some complete idiots tried swimming from Brooklyn to Manhattan and one or two of them died trying. I laughed when I heard about it, because everyone should laugh when stupidity is the cause of someone's death. Just like Jonestown.
Movie: Panic Room (Jodie Foster is such an overrated actresh (yesh, that sh is shupposhed to be there), as is this film that was OK at best)

2002-09-26 I've come to despise movies where the lead actor plays multiple roles in the same film. It's such a lame idea, not to mention the fact that it's been done to perfection by Buster Keaton in his short film "The Playhouse" way back in 1921. Back then it was actually a feat since Buster did a musical number, in sync with himself, being filmed by a hand cranked camera using film!! In other words, the cameraman had to film at precisely the same speed on multiple takes (without the use of a motor driven camera), rewind the film to the same starting sprocket hole, block out a different portion of the frame on each successive take so as to expose only one section of the negative and there is no room for either cameraman error or actor error (no retakes!!) as one mistake would ruin the entire process. The short film has Buster playing the all the actors in a theater, all the stagehands, the entire band and the members of the audience. At one point in the film, there are eight Buster Keatons on the screen!!! Nowadays, they just plop a ton of makeup on a pathetic actor and use digital technology to superimpose one clip over the other and they call it art. I call it crap.
On a lighter film note, I cannot wait to see Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" -- it could be ultimate!!
Movies: Igby Goes Down (Awesome in a Royal Tenenbaums dysfunctional kind of way, in spite of the Culkin kids (although the lead did a decent job), Stealing Harvard (hey, it was free...this sucked beyond belief... I just don't get Tom Green. He's so unfunny it hurts. I pity Jason Lee, too, because I think he's a talented actor (check out Mumford), but he keeps taking these horrible roles.)

2002-09-25 Isn't it completely wild that the phrase "Duh" means the exact same as "No Duh"? The English language never ceases to enamor me.
Movie: Petits Frères (Lame film that was supposed to be cute, but ended up killing the dog...along with my interest.)
Music: Sam Phillips - Martinis and Bikinis (her best; I could listen to her voice all day...it's soothes just like Frances Farmer's voice does/did.)

2002-09-24 Best Band Name I've come across in a loooong while: Camp Kill Yourself.
Movie: All the King's Men (1949 Best Picture OSKR; mediocre at best. Typical tale of small town guy who becomes a big time guy and loses his integrity. You've seen it before.)

2002-09-22 I went to a Natural Health Expo today and was shocked and amazed to find that all these people who claim to be interested in natural health are just as flabby and unhealthy as the Burger King crowd. It was sort of sickening to witness, but what's a boy to do? I've seen hypocrisy in purer forms than this...life goes on.
Movie: The Chocolate War (the book is awesome, and the movie version was alright, but it's really dated. Here's a good candidate for a remake.)
Music: David Bowie - ChangesBowie (From his great days...long gone now.)

2002-09-21 I always thought that Mini-Coopers (those little cars that somewhat resemble small Honda hatchbacks) looked awesome, but it seems like they're becoming mainstream and even that crap Austin "let's milk this for yet another sequel" Powers is now associated with them. Oh well... Isn't it funny how mainstream America can ruin one's enjoyment of certain things? Look what they did to Ozzy.
Movie: Trapped (Ugh. You know the story, you know the ending and you know the cute little girl is gonna have her share of over the top cuteness...coupled with a Zero Hooter Factor, this is a MUST-NOT-SEE.)
Music: Missing Persons - Spring Session M (+Mental Hopscotch EP) (Terry Bozzio just may be a drum god. He is absolutely awesome.)

2002-09-19 So 3 of the 5 pets are on medication now and one is awaiting surgery (Sophie is the lumpectomy patient and Cocquie is the well one). Does it get any better than this? I need a vacation.
Movie: The Majestic (I did it again...I knew this was gonna suck, but I watched it anyway...)

2002-09-15 I forgot how scary psycho chicks really are until I saw 'Swimfan'. It reminded me of the hundreds, no thousands of girls whose hearts I've broken over the years. If any of you are reading this, I've changed my name to Buck, I live in Texas and I drive an oversized pickup truck with a confederate flag in the back window. I'll pretend I don't know you, but that's what guys do.
Movie: Swimfan (This movie is extremely disturbing to any heterosexual guy... As a movie, it was OK, but it sure makes you think twice about cheating.)

2002-09-14 Patsy (the cat, see pets page) was prescribed valium and she's loving it.
Movie: Cecil B. Demented (awesome anti-mainstream movies movie. Demented forever!!)
Music: Aerosmith - compilation from their druggie days (when they were a great band.)

2002-09-13 I hope every Friday the 13th fearing idiot has a rotten day. Get over it, it's just another day.
Movie: Boondock Saints (Are killers who murder bad guys necessarily wrong? Decent flick; a little violent. Same premise as 'The Last Supper', which is very good.)
Music: Lisa Loeb - Stay (very much a fague song, but who cares?)

2002-09-11 Lambs, we have a tragedy on our hands. In light of the 9/11 anniversary, while listening to the radio I heard some horrible news. They reported that Billy Joel has not been able to write a song since 9/11/2001. I know this may come as a shock to you, but the expert analysts assigned to his case have yet to figure out his reason for not being able to write a song prior to 2001.
Movie: Air Force One (Harrison Ford; If you suspend every molecule of disbelief and discount the corny one-liners and ignore the too-obvious Russian vs. USA idiocy, this is a decent action flick. Seriously, though, put on your Vin Diesel thinking caps for this one.)
Music: Donnie Darko Soundtrack (that guy's version of the Tears for Fears song "Mad World" is awesome; great suicide song.)

2002-09-10 So it's been a whole year since the World Trade Center attacks. It was just a really sucky day, huh?
Movie: City By The Sea (Alright DeNiro flick -- some nice World Trade Center glimpses)
Music: Lush - Spooky (I can't get 'For Love' outta my head.)

2002-09-08Who the hell is/are J.D. Power and Associates, anyway, and why should I give a crap about what they say?
Movie: The Cup (buddhist monks watching World Cup soccer; old world/new world theme that's been done before; OK at best)

2002-09-07 What's the deal with diet soda? I mean, NO ONE on earth can possibly like the taste and god knows what aspartame is doing to your body. Apparently pregnant women are advised to avoid it, but the doctors don't exactly know why (or they're just not telling.) Anyway, I never understood the purpose of diet soda. Who has ever said, "yeah, I know I'm 400 pounds, but if I could only cut out regular soda I'd easily drop 100 pounds." Right. Yeah, gimme three Big Macs, two large fries and a DIET soda (that'll help a whole lot).
Movie: One Hour Photo (It seemed more like Ten Hour Photo; slow, uneventful, zero hooter factor and not well thought out. Hollywood needs me.)
Music: Beatles - White Album (has some of their best)

2002-09-06 I am coming to really hate DVDs. They annoyingly freeze-frame halfway through most movies because the average idiot DVD renter doesn't realize that touching the surface scratches the disc. Remember when they were advertising compact discs as being 'indestructible'? I wish they would have made DVDs like floppy disks -- enclosed in a case that prevents idiots from touching the disk inside. Thank you.
Movie: Pearl Harbor (This is a must see film just for Ben Affleck's "emotionally charged" scenes. To think he took a few million dollar pay-cut for this trite crap makes me laugh to no end.)

2002-09-02 Back to school, huh? Huh huh, huh huh huh, huh, huh huh. School sucked. Reeding is harder then speling and its alot of work to right good, two. Stay in school.
"What a terrible thing it is to lose one's mind." - Dan Quayle, aka Mr. Potatoe Head. Damn I miss him.
Movie: High Crimes (Don't waste your time -- the film Music Box w/Jessica Lange is virtually the same plot, only much better. Ashley Judd was kinda cute, though, but she looks better with longer hair.)

Top 2002-08-31 I've lost that lovin' feeling. Whoa uh-whoa uh whoa.
Movie: Donnie Darko (Finally, an awesome movie!!! If anyone care to discuss what happened at the end, email me.)
Music: Echo and the Bunnymen - Songs to Learn and Sing (Donnie Darko inspired. Eighties rock at its best. Play loud.)

2002-08-30 Weird Al Yankovic is a friggin' genius. I wanna hang out with him.
Movie: Simpatico (Proof that Sharon Stone has never been in a decent movie; it sucked.)
Music: Weird Al Yankovic - "One More Minute" (download from WinMX today.)

2002-08-28 I'm so sick of religion it makes my ass tired (and that is NOT a comment on the catholic church.) End of discussion. (As reader thinks, "who is he talking to, anyway?") Hey, let's put on a show!!!...and then we'll go blow up some towel-heads!!! OK, I'm tired...goodnight.
Movie: Random Hearts (I was desperate. Not worth watching. Very much so.)

2002-08-25 I have a new T-shirt slogan: "Are you a vegetarian? Well, no one cares but you." So, lambs, do you like it? I'm gonna make one for myself and I'm taking orders now.
Movie: Read My Lips (French film; good film; similar feel as 'Run Lola Run')

2002-08-23 Films aren't real life (duh). Why, in movies, do all the 'problem' characters end up dying, which nicely resolves the issue? For example, if someone is stalking a family, the stalker will invariably end up dead by the film's end. I think the screenwriters have to work a little harder.
Movie: The Good Girl (Jennifer Aniston; good, but depressing independent film)

2002-08-22 It looks like the "Lindows®" Operating System is preparing to give Microsoft a run for their money. (Lindows® is a user friendly version of the LinuxOS). Lindows® preloaded PCs are currently available at WalMart for as little as $199!!! The price apparently is so low since the PC manufacturer does NOT have to pay Mr. Gates for preloading MSWindows. Also, Lindows® software is supercheap (I think it's $99. for 'all you can download') and has a bunch of available software (word processor, database, spreadsheet,etc...). The Lindows® people seem like certified Microsoft haters and , but what I don't get is why did they model their operating system (and its name) exactly after what they supposedly despise? You know, I really could care less what I use, but I would like it to be cheap. My feeling is that whatever company is on top (or is making a ton of money) is automatically the bad guy in many people's eyes. It's just like all those idiots who claim REM 'sold out' when they signed a huge record contract. Same band, different label. Who cares? They all suck sooner or later.
Movie: Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (John Cusack, Kevin Spacey (as usual playing his same role); overlong and under-good)

2002-08-21 Today is a sad day. When I was driving to Burger King for lunch, A bird flew into my car and was injured. I turned around to see if he was alright and I saw him hobbling along the side of the road. I pulled over and tried to catch him (so I could take him to the vet), but he was so panicked, he frantically hopped into the bushes and, although I chased him there, he managed to escape me. He was able to get off the ground, but I think something was broken. I figured if I caught him, he'd probably die of a heart attack, so I stopped chasing him. I noticed he was able to fly (albeit awkwardly) into a tree, so he may end up healing. I felt bad as I ate my chicken whopper a few minutes later. I wonder if he'll survive. I wonder if he'll peck out my eyes one day or crap on my head. I wonder if he'll figure out that I was trying to help him. I guess I'll never know.
I named him "Troy".
The End.
Movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Nia Somethingopolous; decent ethno-comedy about Greek chick marrying a non-Greek guy; well done and universally appealing) ... that concludes the 3 films in 3 cinemas in 3 nights festival.

2002-08-20 My goal in life is to own and run a movie theater. There's a little hole in the wall artsy theater in Paramus, NJ (The Paramus Picture Show) which is about what I have in mind; a one screen theater that shows NO commercials, only a handful of previews and a hand picked selection of interesting films all at a reasonable price. Do any of you have $100,000 I can borrow?
Movie: Possession (Gwyneth Paltrow; Very well done film. Made me wanna go back to England.)

2002-08-19 I think jesus may have been a homo, but I can't prove it.
Movie: Signs (DO NOT SEE THIS FILM -- IT TOTALLY SUCKS!!! If you're at the theater and you see that this is playing, the only sign you should heed is "Do Not Enter". You have been warned.), Coming Apart (lame 60's flick about Psychologist who secretly films the screwed up women that come to visit. Nice idea, poor execution.)

2002-08-14 Y'know, when it's 95 degrees in the shade and the humidity is at 100% and you've just put in a hard day's work, it's really OK to sit in a nice, air conditioned theater with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and Twizzlers in hand, a soda by your side, your best gal in the seat next to you and watch an explosion filled action movie complete with godawful dialogue and silly punchlines delivered by Ben Affleck Acting School dropouts and reality defying stunts...isn't it? Sure it is. I thoroughly enjoyed XXX, probably the worst movie I'll ever recommend...
Movie: XXX (Vin Diesel; basically a James Bond movie with more explosions, less chicks and a better soundtrack; not recommended for anyone looking for anything deeper than a puddle.)

2002-08-11 Did you know that it now costs 50 cents to make a local pay phone call? This sucks. Not only is the crappy phone company already raping you at home, but now they're getting you on the road, too. To make matters worse, the price is only printed in one place on the phone (and, of course, mine was covered with a marker); everywhere else it simply states "pay the initial rate".... Here's my proposal: they should charge 10 cents (like it should be) and limit the call to 3 minutes or even charge 10 cents a minute, but keep it simple. I'm beginning to hate pay phones as much as cell phones.
Movie: *don't read this if you wanna keep me on a pedestal...(you've been warned). Shallow Hal (alright, fine, I let everyone who ever looked to me for movie recommendations down in the worst way: I watched two consecutive known sucky movies, with each having the incredibly well thought out plot of a chauvinist who, through some ridiculous magical twist, gains some insight into women's inner beauty and, en route, realizes what a schmuck he's been all along. OK, all I can do is apologize to you, my flock. To punish myself, I'm boycotting videos for at least a week. I'll be playing board games, shooting hoops and catching up on some reading. Pity me. I hope to be back with some decent flicks. Move Jack Black to the top of the list of people I'm getting really sick of.)

2002-08-10 OK, lambs, it's time to come clean...I used to think the words to The Who's "Pinball Wizard" were "...the death of a black kid" instead of "...that deaf, dumb and blind kid". Alright, laugh all you want. ('sure plays a mean pinball).
Movie: What Women Want (extremely stupid, but you knew that already)
Book: The Tipping Point By Malcolm Gladwell (A good read; it analyzes changes in terms of epidemics; how/why some changes successfully reach epidemic proportions (such as "Blue's Clues", Paul Revere's ride and the crime rate drop in NYC, etc...). I mostly enjoyed reading about the psychological experiments).

2002-08-09 Religious discussions make me laugh. I witnessed a discussion today about whether or not jesus was a vegetarian. Of course, the suggestion came from a vegetarian. I think John Lennon was right; The Beatles are more popular than jesus. Hell, a carrot is more popular that jesus!
Movie: The Deep End (murder/dispose of body typical story;started out slow, mostly predictable twists and ended dumb)

2002-08-06 Any time I see a WWII film, I just wonder what would happen if this country were ever to go to war again. I don't mean like Kuwait, but more on a mass scale where we civilians would have to ration food/water and we would actually feel the effects of war. Most of us (fortunately) have no clue what a war must be like. We think if we've read "The Diary of A Young Girl" By Anne Frank or seen "Shindler's List" that we understand it, but I don't think that comes anywhere close to some of the firsthand stories I've heard.
Movie: Von Ryan's Express (OK wartime movie with Frank Sinatra)

2002-08-03 I just heard some of the recordings from Paul McCartney's overpriced current tour and, you know what, it actually sounded like it was worth seeing. He didn't play much of his new crap, but mainly stuck to the Beatles/Wings catalog (much to the delight of the fans, I'm sure). That's a nice change; I hate when these musical dinosaurs refuse to sing the songs that made them famous (like Sinatra not playing "My Way"), but instead opt for their current load of crap that, trust me, NO ONE wants to hear. Now I sorta miss seeing the McCartney show.
Music: Paul McCartney - "Driving USA" Tour recordings
Movies: Avalon (immigrant family falling apart; OK), My First Mister (First half ruled, next part sucked, ending was average)

Top 2002-07-31 What's eating Michael Grape? You tell me... I wanna make a movie, but I need some time.
Movie: What's Eating Gilbert Grape? (This is just a really good movie -- Leonardo DiCaprio is surprisingly good, as is Johnny Depp. I'd call this a must see film.)

2002-07-30 I'm so glad that all that ridiculous support for Africa is finally over and we're all back to not giving a crap about those idiots and their 38+ children with flies hovering around their bulbous heads while they live in the desert and wonder, year after year, why there's never any water and why no crops ever grow. Oh, wait, excuse me but I have to go -- I'm up for 'Humanitarian of the Decade'...
Movie: A Bronx Tale (well done film; story so so)
Music: Lene Lovich - "Lucky Number", USA for Africrap song (the sucky one that ripped off Band Aid's "Do They Know it's Xmas?")

2002-07-27 It's hot as hell and where are my Reese's Pieces? P.S. Walmart sucks for selling me stale M&M's. Bastards.
Movies: Reign of Fire (Futuristic - dragons rule the earth; Three thumbs up), Mulan (Not bad for a kid flick; girls will like it), All I Wanna Do (Again; "(snap) Flat Critters!!")
Music: Skid Row - Slave to The Grind (best played at maximum volume)
Candy: Reese's Pieces

2002-07-24 Oh, boo hoo, the friggin overpaid, out of shape Major League Baseball fags are threatening to strike. I'd love to see the fans strike and boycott the overpriced, way too freaking long, godawful boring games and let these losers try to get real jobs that won't pay one percent of their current paychecks. I hope they do strike and it never gets settled.
Movies: Spy Hard (typical Naked Gun style flick; some funny scenes), Princess Diaries (alright at best, but, I must admit, better than I thought)

2002-07-21 New York City had a blackout yesterday afternoon. It was kinda weird with no working traffic lights and virtually all stores were closed. The strange part was that my first thought was: more terrorist crap and my second thought was: here come the looters. I was pleasantly surprised to hear that not only was it NOT a terrorist act, but no looting was reported. Many volunteers even outfitted themselves in makeshift uniforms and directed traffic in a somewhat orderly manner. After about seven hours, the power came back on. Lucky for you, lambs, otherwise this update may not have happened as timely as it did and you would have NOTHING to do for the rest of the day. (The outage was caused by a transformer fire at Con Edison).
Music: Rage Against The Machine - compilation ("Killing in the Name", "Down Rodeo", "Bulls On Parade",... 100% anger)
Movies: Crazy/Beautiful (alright teen mismatch film; the twist here is that the rich white chick is the messed up one, not the Mexican.)

2002-07-20 In the news there was a report of some night club that caught fire because the bartenders' 'tricks with fire' got out of control. Now if that's not funny enough, apparently the fire was made worse by patrons throwing their drinks into the fire, allegedly to put it out. The only silver lining is that the ones who lost their lives wouldn't have contributed much, if anything, to the gene pool.
Movies: Life as a House (family tearjerker; decently done), Road To Perdition (well acted; the flat storyline leaves you, well, flat, but the air conditioning in the theater on a hot, humid July day made this worth watching)

2002-07-16 Although I normally don't give a rat's ass about celebrity romances, I just read that Edward Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli are finally splitting up. It's funny how he used to be such a musical genius, but he basically peaked by 1982 and has been coasting in a drug-induced haze ever since. I give Valerie credit for tolerating as much as she must have. I have no charity left to care about drug users. It's just too bad because he was just so amazingly talented. Instead of updating his website with new music, he provides health updates. It's just plain sad.
Movie: 10 Things I Hate About You (it's OK, but worth watching for the Letters to Cleo cameo; otherwise, just another silly teen flick (which I usually happen to like) starring Julia Stiles (who I usually happen to hate)... oh well.)

2002-07-15 Isn't it funny how we're living in the age of hand and retinal scanning, yet we still accept a signature as a form of identification? I wonder how much longer this will be enforced.
Movies: Desperately Seeking Susan (appealing Madonna film; Steven Wright in minor role)
Music: Kate Bush - This Woman's Work (Boxed set; awesome...I want "Under the Ivy" played after my demise.)

2002-07-13 Steve Spielberg sucks. I just heard an old story about the Harry Potter author having a falling out with Spielberg, who was originally slated to direct the Harry Potter films. Apparently, she had insisted on an all British cast (a wise move), whereas Steven "product placement" Spielberg wanted, get this, Haley Joel Osment (soon to be/already forgotten kid from "The Sixth Sense" and "AI") to play Harry Potter. I'm so sick of that stupid Osment kid. Thank goodness he'll be done soon. Maybe there is a god after all... nah, Spielberg's still around.
Movies: Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius (I had such high hopes for this), Dawn of the Dead (falls under the "so bad, it's good" cateGORY; pun intended)

2002-07-10 Will someone tell all these foreigners with US flags on their cars that American Pride begins with speaking English?
Movies: Tortilla Soup (you probably have to be Hispanic to appreciate this flick; for the rest of us it sucked), From Hell (Johnny Depp, Heather Graham tale of Jack the Ripper; overall kinda dorky...would have been better as a 'Heather the Stripper' tail.)

2002-07-08 I'm convinced that Ebert and the new guy give every film "two thumbs up" -- don't these guys have any taste? ...and how come there were still two thumbs up even when the thin guy died? Wasn't it a shock when the bald guy died and everyone thought the fat guy would go first? I'd give that twist one thumb up.
Movie: Tape (Uma Thurman;Do NOT watch this film; had it been a 6 minute film (consisting only of Uma still frames), it would have been great; instead it was an 83 minute motel room high school reunion gone bad.)
Music: April March - Chick Habit

2002-07-07 Who cares about steroid use in sports? I understand the issue with world record consideration, since steroids may give you enough of a boost to shatter a legitimate record, but what the hell edge does it give a baseball or basketball player? The bottom line is that major league sports are entertainment and little else. The fans want excitement and that means more home runs, etc... I think if anything can make baseball exciting, it's worth a try since it's so godawful boring now.
On another note, today an 8 year old beat me at H-O-R-S-E. I'd like to think I let him win, but I'm not fully convinced.
Movie: Rare Birds (Likeable cast; much in the comedy vein of "Waking Ned Devine")

2002-07-06 This has to be the worst summer for movies, ever. It's been getting worse every year and this year it's worse than ever. The film world needs my contributions. Film at 11:00.
Movies: Sidewalks of New York (another boring flick following several couples in NYC), Der Krieger und die Kaiserin (The Princess and the Warrior) (German flick; same guy that did Run Lola Run; overall a well made film)
Music: The Who - Boris The Spider, John Entwistle - My Size (the sequel to "Boris The Spider")

2002-07-05 The Who's bassist (John Entwistle) died the other day. What's interesting about these rock star deaths is that fewer and fewer people understand the impact these older bands had. None (I repeat NONE) of these current bands are going to have any lasting effect. Current music just plain sucks.
Movies: Rules of Engagement (typical court martial trial), Orange County (stupid; I'm starting to tire of Jack Black;nice Monica Keena cameo)

2002-07-03 I wonder if there's ever been a monk named "Chip"... (probably not, since religion and humour don't mix)
Movie: Monster's Ball (This was so lame, slow, boring and predictable and irrelevant it almost made me not like Billy Bob Thornton any more. FYI, race relations pictures are, by definition, lame and irrelevant. Race relations will settle wherever they settle and it's pointless to make a movie with this as a theme.)

2002-07-02 Neck pain is the worst. Whoever has/had back pain (which also sucks) never hurt 1/2 as much as when you have neck pain. (At least with back pain you can lie down.) My toe hurts, too. Getting older sucks. Sit up straight, lambs; you'll be thankful you did when you get older. (That'll be $120. for my professional advice. I accept Paypal.)
Book: Many Moons (By James Thurber; kids' book done right. Thurber rules.)

Top 2002-06-30 Why are the Rolling Stones touring again? Is there anyone on earth who is actually looking forward to this tour?
Movie: The Swindle (another French film; again, alright at best), Buster Keaton Rides Again/The Railrodder (the "rides again" documentary is awesome -- insight into the mind of a genius, who, even in his 70's, just understands film. The Railrodder is OK.)

2002-06-27 This whole thing with the "Pledge of Allegiance" is ridiculous (for the clueless: a federal appeals court has ruled the phrase "under god" to be unconstitutional). Alright, lambs, here's my opinion (for a change) -- I agree, the 1954 addition of the phrase "under god" is pathetic (it used to be "...one nation, indivisible, with liberty...", but I guess they changed it because kids couldn't pronouce "indivisible"), but, why are we forcing kids to recite anything in schools? Hitler had forced German kids to recite (in school) "Fuhrer, my Fuhrer, bequeathed to me by the Lord,..." . Now, outside of my your awe at my impressive command of history (hold your applause), think for one second if the stupid Pledge stated, "...one nation, under Buddha..." (or any of a number of other dopey "gods") and you'll see how dumb it was for Congress to add the "under god" phrase. I say they shouldn't make kids recite anything in school, but, if they must, they should recite it with the "indivisible" phrase reinstated. Besides, I used to say "...one nation, underdog...", anyway. You can applaud now.

2002-06-26 Why does Steven Spielberg® find it necessary to insert commercials (known as "product placement", it's one of my biggest movie peeves of all time) into his movies? He even managed to add commercials into a movie that takes place 50 years in the future. What an ass. Doesn't he generate enough revenue with big, talentless names like Tom Cruise? In spite of this, however, their collaboration actually produced an pretty enjoyable flick. The story is just a really cool idea (three people can "see" murders before they occur, so the police can arrest people for the "future murders" they would have committed had the police not intervened.)
Movie: Minority Report (Despite overrated Spielberg® and that 1/2 trick pony Tom Cruise, I did actually enjoy this movie.)

2002-06-25 Did you notice that PC hardware (printers, modems, CD Drives, hard disk drives, network devices, etc) lately is at an all time low in quality? I've done about 4 recent PC upgrades and 3 of the 4 times it turned out that the equipment was defective right out of the box. This speaks volumes about the manufacturers today, but what bothers me most about this is that I have to waste a few hours of my time to eventually figure out that the equipment is bad. Then, to top it all off, I have to pay the shipping costs to return the item for an exchange!! (Yes, lambs, you read that right: the customer has to pay for return shipping, even on defective merchandise.) Oh, and need I mention that my credit card is charged for both items, until they receive the return, at which point they credit my account with a refund. What happened to customer service?
Music: They Might Be Giants - Istanbul (Not Constantinople) + Birdhouse In Your Soul (these guys sound like they're having fun)
Movies: Gosford Park (One big Y-A-W-N; eject early), Bandits (Billy Bob Thornton, Bruce Willis; Silly, but fun to watch. Billy Bob is one of the few actors today who can actually act...besides, he goes home to Angelina Jolie every night...who wouldn't envy this guy?)

2002-06-24 OK, it's time to offend some people: I heard (but never believed) that as per their faith, orthodox Jewish women are not supposed to be physically touched by any male, except by their husband, and, even then, only at certain times (shall I say) "of the month". Um, excuse me, but gimme a freakin' break. Hello? Isn't this 2002?? I just don't get this religion stuff. Thank goodness for reform... (I guess)...
Movie: Lovers and Lollipops (bland 1956 follow-up to the team that did 1953's Little Fugitive (which was really good)...anyway, there are some cool shots of New York landmarks from the 50's (such as a pre-World Trade Center downtown), but overall the movie sucked.)

2002-06-21 As I understand it, "proof" in reference to alcohol means double the percentage of alcohol (i.e. 100 proof liquor is 50% alcohol), correct? Now, why the hell didn't they just leave it as percent and instead of having 100 proof = 50 percent, just have 50 proof mean 50 percent. Why the ridiculous formula? Or, better yet, why not multiply it by Pi (3.14etc...)? "Yeah, gimme a bottle of 314.15926535... proof vodka"... I guess it doesn't matter since it'll burn through your liver at the same rate.
Music: Toy Dolls - Nellie the Elephant, Sam Brown - Nellie the Elephant (it's such a bouncy tune)
Movie: Overnight Delivery (Early Reese Witherspoon; cute, but obvious; Road Trip ripped off the storyline), Vagabond (French film; they suck, but some of their films are excellent. This wasn't one of them, although it was passable.)

2002-06-19 Paul McCartney's birthday was yesterday (no pun inteneded). It's amazing to me how irrlevent the Beatles have become. Don't get me wrong; I thought they put out some incredible music, but it's so bizarre how they were so important at one time and now they're all but forgotten. It'll be interesting to see if Sir Paul makes it to 64, like the song says. It's still a shame about Lennon, too.
Music: They Might Be Giants - Ana Ng (stuck on repeat. I can't shake this song, nor do I want to today. Nice rollerblading song.)

2002-06-18 I'm so tired of people saying how they met some stupid celebrity and were so impressed how regular he/she was in person. Ugh. ...to top things off, I've heard Heather Graham is an idiot. I just hope she's a regular idiot, like me.
Movie: K-PAX (Yes, lambs, I've failed you. I voluntarily saw what I knew to be a lame movie. This ridiculous movie is peppered with overdone alien lines such as "...curious concepts you humans have...". Ugh. It's just plain vomitous (my newly invented word). This was especially painful because Kevin "same-role-in-every-film-but-still-effective" Spacey has been in some really good films. Thank goodness he was in American Beauty and Swimming With Sharks.)

2002-06-16 Reeses Pieces kick candy ass!
Movies: The Bourne Identity (good for a cliche action flick; you get what you expect. Oh, Julia Stiles completely sucks in her miniscule part.), Mulholland Drive (one good lesbo & hooters scene surrounded by typical David Lynch hypnotic, moody, makes-no-sense-to-anybody (even Lynch) footage. He peaked with Wild At Heart.)
Book: KISS and Make-Up (Gene Simmons of KISS; uh, he likes girls, his mom survived the concentration camps, he invented everything ever, and he likes girls. It's a quick, fun read, but you have to aim really low for this book to have any substance. Did I mention he likes girls?)

2002-06-14 Isn't it funny how people think it's cruel to name a pet using a bad word (like a dog named "Sh*thead")? People are stupid.
Movie: Le Samourai (French film about a hired assassin; well done and the best part: NO BEN AFFLECK!!)

2002-06-09 Why is the sound of a blaring trumpet so ultimate? I have to dig up some of those excellent songs from the 1940's (like "Snootie Little Cutie") and blast them at full volume. It's really a shame that so much popular music has been reduced to 3 or 4 chords, a catch-phrase and a pair of hooters. Well, it's too bad about the catch phrases, anyway.
Oh, yeah, and I wanna go to Pompeii. Please send a donation (click Paypal logo) and I'll mention your name in my journal. Honest.
Movie: How To Kill Your Neighbor's Dog (Finally a good referral!!! Thanks to Not-BeLikeMichael Michael!!)

2002-06-08 Isn't it funny how Billy Joel's music at first listen seems like it could be worth owning, but then after about eight seconds, you can no longer stand his voice? Isn't it also funny how every Long Islander loves Billy Joel and every New Jerseyite loves Bruce Springsteen? I just think that's really funny.
Movie: Children Of Heaven (cute; same basic idea as White Balloon, but this was better; see entry for 2002-01-15)
Music: Tori Amos - Crucify (awesome EP remix; album version sucks), Upside Down (B-side)...listen to over and over...

2002-06-07 I saw Cyndi Lauper live in Bryant Park (NYC) this morning during a taping of some inane morning talk show. It was crappy weather (raining and cold) and not a whole lot of fans showed up (although the way they filmed it, it seemed like hundreds were there.) Her voice is amazing, but I really wish her songs were better...they're just so...mediocre. I like the new song. I think I'll listen to it...
Music: Cyndi Lauper - It's Hard To Be Me

2002-06-04 Today I am a man. Last night, I finally dunked a basketball on a regulation 10-foot high hoop. Now, with the exceptions of being black and having about $200 million and having an ex-wife and having kids and living in Chicago and being known and loved throughout the world, Michael Jordan and I are very much alike. Well, I'm more like Michael Jordan today than I was yesterday. Yeah, that sounds right.
Movie: Heat (Pacino vs. DeNiro; OK, but waaaayyy toooo loooonnnngggg)
Music: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Once Upon A Time/Twice Upon A Time ("Cities In Dust" rules)

2002-06-02 The epitome of American excess is the volume of exercise machines purchased in this country (check any garage sale). Listen "lambs" (my new term for those of you reading this), there is no need for any of this exercise equipment. You can easily get in shape using nothing more than a chair and some effort. Ask Jack LaLanne.
Movie: Passenger 57 (obvious good guy/bad guy confrontation complete with backward hillbilly sheriff. Good dinner movie since you don't have to pay attention.)

2002-06-01 Shakespeare is so overrated it makes me wanna vomit.
Movie: The New Guy (you've seen it already -- teen loser makes himself over into a stud and, guess what?...everyone finds out and it's OK!! It did have one awesome scene where Lyle Lovett gets a burning marshmallow flung into his eye..), Looking for Richard (as in Richard III, by Wm Shakespeare; Al Pacino suckfest. Boooring, but you Shakespeare fans already knew that.)

Top 2002-05-31 Annoying tip #103: say "that's what she said" every time anyone says anything. (It works best on females -- it's guaranteed to annoy them instantly.)
Music: John Lennon - Strawberry Fields Forever (embryonic versions -- it's amazing how far pop music evolved back then), She Said She Said (one of his most underrated masterpieces)

2002-05-30 Outpost.com rules!! If you need anything for your PC, buy it from them!! I recently had a problem with an order and without question or hassle they refunded my money AND let me keep the merchandise. It was cinchy!! Now that's customer service. I've been buying from them from way back in the days when I had money and they've always been awesome. Toss 'em a few schekels; they're worth it. (FYI, 1.0 US Dollars = 4.90 Israel New Shekels, courtesy this currency converter). I wanna be a beatnik; more on this later.

2002-05-29 The word "cinchy" rules. Let's all use it in a sentence today. You might as well toss in "clobber", too.
Music: Bananarama - homemade compilation (not too bad for three talentless chicks; "Robert DeNiro's Waiting" is up there with the best of girl-pop)

2002-05-26 Ugh...Another Austin Powers movie? Weren't the first two bad enough? I'm gonna smack the first person who says, "Oh, behave" in that lame-ass voice.
Movies: Atlantis The Lost Empire (Disney; typical, but you knew that), Sexy Beast (I just didn't get it I guess), Hearts In Atlantis (what, an Atlantis film festival -- two in one night!!; actually this one was decent)
Music: Tracey Ullman - You Broke My Heart In 17 Places (+ You Caught Me Out) (refreshing to hear 2:30 songs again, even if they're standards performed by a mediocre at best singer)

2002-05-22 I figured it out!!! Finally. I now understand why some people (intelligent ones, too) believe in nonsense like psychic phenomenon, astrology, etc... It's not because they're complete idiots (as previously believed due to such overwhelming evidence), but it's for another reason. They are simply unhappy with their station in life (to borrow a Kevin Smith phrase). I came upon this revelation when I realized that in all these alternate worlds that are hinted at through some sort of psychic or medium, humans are invariably superior than our present state. In these whacked thoughts, man is always some super being capable of ridiculous things like: thought transmission, the ability to communicate from beyond the realms of death (to borrow a Judas Priest song title), amazing cognitive feats (like multiplying three 6-digit numbers in one's head), etc... I then realized that this is some sort of fantasy world these 'believers' want to live in and the whole idea serves as an escape from their dead-end lives. Instead of making themselves useful in this life, they'd rather dream about their 'life after death'. Unfortunately, most of these people will be forgotten by the living long before they are even dead (for the first time). Losers. And on a happy note, this month's Maxim is out.
Music: ELO - Greatest Hits

2002-05-20 I don't want Ozzy to be liked by middle America. And who cares about the new Star Wars crap? It's the same old crap, only with new dopey aliens.
Music: Classic Country (Patsy Cline, hank Williams, Brenda Lee, etc...) (hey, it's a picker upper!)

2002-05-19 Our top notch airport security "experts" who can't seem to spot a highjacker from an inch away can sniff out pot in Dionne Warwick's makeup case. I feel safe.
Movie: The Man Who Wasn't There (decent, not great; very typical Coen Brothers' fare)
Music: Cyndi Lauper - "She's So Unusual" CD (quite possibly the best Side A in female pop history)

2002-05-16 The French suck (but you knew that already). Today I had the displeasure of sharing the vet's waiting area with a French imbecile woman and her (of course) French poodle. While OSKR and I stayed unmoving on the same bench for about 10 minutes, this idiot kept approaching us (with poodle in tow) to ask one inane question after another. I kept (politely) asking her to not bring her dog too close because OSKR was "anxious" (read: about to rip her dog to shreds). After several unsuccessful attempts to get through a finely crafted wall of French arrogance, I finally asked her (not too politely) to PLEASE keep her dog away from mine because she's causing a problem. Her response (in an annoying French accent): "why would I want to do that?" ...Uh...is it illegal to smack someone back to their home country? However, the story ends on a happy note when some old man came in to pick up his dog. First, the old man walked up to the French woman and said, "you know, you can't trust these dogs" while pointing at her poodle. She took offense, frowned and asked, "why?" He replied, "...because you can't trust the French!!!" (Ah, a kindred spirit at last!) Then, the old man asked (yes asked) if OSKR was friendly and if he could pet him. He really liked OSKR and began rubbing OSKR's head and chest and only stopped petting OSKR when an orderly brought his dog out. It was a little dachshund. When he held it in his arms, he said things like "hey, champ" and "how's my boy?" to the groggy dog. He bid us goodbye and left with the dog. What a nice guy. He represents all that is good in people who like animals. I smiled all the way home. Moral: I don't know you, but if you're French, you probably suck.
Music: Berlin - Pleasure Victim/Love Life CDs, Rush - The Camera Eye (NYC song) + rest of Moving Pictures CD

2002-05-12 Add Julia Stiles' name to actors who can't act their way out of a wet paper bag.
Movie: "O" (Julia Stiles)

2002-05-10 I always wondered why, when several males go to the movies, they sit with empty seats between them. For example, if three guys sit together, they occupy the first, third and fifth seats. Is this some sort of homophobic behavior? I've never sat like this with any of my friends (mainly because I have no friends), but I'm pretty sure I like girls. Hmmmm.
Movie: Roman Holiday (uh, it's a feel-good movie. I want Audrey Hepburn to be my best friend.)

2002-05-08 Has Tom Cruise ever been in a good movie? And god I'm sick of Ben Affleck, too. He's such a crappy actor. When he's onscreen, you're always aware that he's acting; he's not one bit believable in any character he plays. Ugh. To borrow (well, steal) a line from the great depressed one, Dorothy Parker, Ben Affleck runs the gamut of emotions from A to B. (She wrote that line about Katharine Hepburn.) Thankfully we have Billy Bob Thornton and that guy that played the flat-critters gang leader in "All I Wanna Do", Vincent Kartheiser.
Movie: Spiderman (enjoyable; ...and Kirsten Dunst is over 18, isn't she? T-T-T-Torrance!! She also ruled in "Drop Dead Gorgeous")
Music: Josie & the Pussycats Film Soundtrack (yes, believe it; Kay Hanley rules)

2002-05-07 I'm in a "Rock of the 80's" mood today. The 80's has to be the era for the most one-hit wonders ever. And just what is the "Safety Dance" anyway? Ain't nothin' gonna break-a-my stride (thanks, Chuck). I think I'll vomit now.
Movie: Better Off Dead (John Cusack when he was good; same role he always plays), King of Marvin Gardens (ejected early)
Music: B-52's - Dirty Back Road (put it on repeat) + Private Idaho + Give Back My Man

2002-05-04 We ate at Red Lobster tonight (to fulfill a promise) and although I'm indifferent to food quality (I dine for convenience and little else), they served these tortilla chips that were so visibly greasy it not only made me sick to even look at them, but it helpled answered my question from yesterday's entry. Thank you Red Lobster. (The salmon I had actually wasn't bad, but, then again, I eat at White Castle.)

2002-05-03 Is everyone in this country lazy and fat? Wait, let me rephrase that: WHY is everyone in this country lazy and fat? Please enlighten me someone...anyone...please?
Movie: The Glass House (predictable)

Top 2002-04-30 More about 9/11 (since it still seems to be on everyone's minds, at least in NY anyway) -- I'm really getting tired of all these fair weather patriots and their stupid US flags on their cars, houses, etc... Where were their flags on 9/10? The ones I especially hate are the decals that show the US flag with the words "god bless America" under them. Well, if there's a god out there, he sure as hell didn't "bless America" on 9/11, now did he? I just pray they don't make a made-for-TV movie about the tragedy. Can god grant me this one wish? (I didn't think so.)
Movie: Heartbreakers (pretty lame, but had it been a Cary Grant movie from the 30's or 40's, it might have been appealing)

2002-04-29 Neil Young has a new song about the passengers' alleged takeover of the ill-fated Pennsylvania flight of 9/11; it's called "Let's Roll". The song just plain sucks. It reminds me of all the sucky songs that came out in "tribute" to John Lennon after his death. With such forced inspiration, it's no wonder music is in such a sorry state.
Movie: Training Day (good cop/bad cop garbage -- what does Uma see in this guy?)
Music: Jethro Tull - Locomotive Breath + Best of

2002-04-24 Has anyone under age 30 ever spoken the word "traipsing"? I was just wondering. I'm in a Blondie mood lately.
Music: Blondie - Plastic Letters, Parallel Lines, Eat To The Beat (back to back to back)

2002-04-23 Oh, great, yet ANOTHER Seattle druggie dies of an overdose...(Layne Staley of Alice In Chains for you clueless ones). Gee, what a shock. When are these idiots gonna realize that heroin and longevity don't mix? I really could care less; all the best Alice In Chains songs were behind them (as with Kurt Cobain), and, anyway, the world could use a few less addicts. If anyone wants to start a "dead pool", let me know. I'm there, dude.
Video: Beavis And Butthead marathon of all my old videotapes (Butthead: "Daria thinks we're cool" Beavis: "She's right!!")
Music: Alice In Chains - Dirt (as in "6 feet of"; it's an awesome album) and Undrugged...uh...unplugged

2002-04-20 David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar are planning a Spring tour together and calling it "Sans Halen". Pure f#$king genius. It'll be nice to see if their egos will enable the tour to last, but what a burn to the former Van Halen members. I may even go see it.
Movies: Evolution (not even Stifler could help this), Original Sin (not even Angelina Jolie's thingies could help this), Spy Game (not horrible, but not great; standard spy/action fare)
Music: Led Zeppelin - Physical Graffiti

2002-04-15 Natural selection is a beautiful thing. Some "tree sitter" protesting a timber sale apparently fell 150 feet out of the tree she was perched in and rescue workers could not get to her in time, resulting in her death. The bummer is she was only 22 and the mystery is how she grew so clueless in such a short time. Gee, lemme think...I'm going to protest timber sales, so, yeah, I'll climb up 150 feet, yeah, that'll stop 'em from cutting trees down. Another even more laughable demise of a similar idiot happened a few years back in California, when some imbecile was protesting something or the other (isn't it funny how time forgot their cause?) and decided to stand on the train tracks in front of a moving train. Of course the driver couldn't stop the train on a dime even if he wanted to, and, thus, splatter time. Of all things that went through his mind in the moments before his death, do you know what the last one was? THE TRAIN!!! Get it? Damn I'm smooth.
Movies: 84 Charing Cross Road (Alright; would be much better in book form)
Music: Soul Asylum - Grave Dancers Union (It's officially rollerblade weather when this hits the walkman)

2002-04-14 Isn't it funny how songwriters like Bob Dylan and Joni Mitchell have written so many influential songs over the decades (many of which you may not even realize), but each has probably the worst voice for their sex? It must be a curse to write songs that anyone can sing better. Maybe it's a good thing that no one's writing songs anymore. Oh, yeah, Tax Day tomorrow -- don't forget to wait in long lines at the Post Office to figure out how much postage to put on your damn envelopes, because god forbid you apply too little postage and you get your taxes returned and, now that your taxes are late, you have to pay late fees and your name gets added to a list of bad people that the IRS will hunt down one day...OK, I'm done. I'm going to watch "Road Trip" again (Movies are good therapy).
Music: Lush - Spooky ("For Love" is ultimate; play 3 times back-to-back.)

2002-04-13 Wasabi is the nastiest thing on earth.
Movies: The Dead Pool (Guns 'N Roses cameo), Coogan's Bluff (alright; dated) (Clint Eastwood night)
Music: Judas Priest - Hell Bent For Leather CD

2002-04-11 Two things about Manhattan (still the best place in the world): 1) Ever since 9/11, there's an omnipresent eerie calm in the city that won't seem to dissipate and it really bugs me and, 2) everyone who walks in Manhattan is either paired off with their companion (who may be canine) or, if alone, they're on a cell phone.
Movies: Sling Blade ("some people call it a Kaiser blade", Election (Tammy Metzler for President)

2002-04-08 Daylight Savings Time is going to annoy me until they invent clocks that reset themselves (although I do like the evening light). Speaking of which, pick up James Thurber's "The 13 Clocks" -- it's a simple but good children's book. Go Now.
Movies: Go Now (well acted, but somewhat typical story)
Music: Moody Blues - Go Now

2002-04-05 GUESS WHAT? ...WRONG!! Skittles has a new 'mystery flavor' and it tastes like crap. Don't get suckered into buying the one pound bag like I did. Children, learn from my mistakes.
Movies: Red Rock West, Contact (Um...yeah, OK)

2002-04-04 So the Roman Catholic Pedophiliac Church is in turmoil now that the world knows for certain about all their child molesting priests. I think those guilty priests should be shot in the head, along with every member of the church (including Cardinals, etc) who had any knowledge of this and covered it up. Maybe Sinead O'Connor was right all along. And, just what exactly does "shibby" mean?
Movies: Dude Where's My Car? (yes, it is as stupid as you thought)

2002-04-01 Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruise? I just think that's so funny.
Movies: Captain Corelli's Mandolin (basically dumb), Double Take (utter junk)

Top 2002-03-31 Can someone explain this to me: A guy supposedly dies, rises from the dead a few days later, millions of people believe this without question and we celebrate it with bunnies and eggs (even though rabbits don't lay eggs)? Uh, ok.
Movies: Don't Say A Word, The Truman Show (one of the best), Get Shorty (lasted 7 minutes before ejection)

2002-03-30 Fellow cheap asses pay attention; here's a way to get free rentals from major video rental chains: on a busy Friday or Saturday night go to one of those rental places that advertises "guaranteed in stock or it's free" rentals and find out which titles are out of stock on the display shelves. Ask for that title at the checkout counter and, since it's out of stock, you'll get a coupon for a free rental of that title. We got 'Training Day' that way. I feel like an old fart, being so happy that I beat the system out of a free video rental. Maybe I'm not so cool after all. I kinda suck.
Movies: The Smokers (lasted about 1/2 hour), Twilight (lost interest after Reese Witherspoon topless scene)

2002-03-28 I have the dumbest idea ever for a TV show: people play Trivial Pursuit for money and I'll have some former alcoholic as the obnoxious hostess who is rude to every player, whether they are winning or losing. Oh, wait, someone already thought of this ridiculously inane show! Here's the punch line: people actually turn on their television sets to watch other people playing Trivial Pursuit. I just don't get it.
Movie: Swordfish (the first alternate ending was better than the one they finally used, but neither were that good)

2002-03-26 Finally there's something cool to write about. Have you people (of course you haven't) heard about this guy's concept for a Twin Towers Memorial which would involve building two piers (the same dimensions of the towers) out from Battery Park into New York Harbor? One pier would point toward the Statue of Liberty and the other toward Ellis Island. I think it's an excellent idea and it would give the people who need it (of which I may be one) a monument that is NOT another skyscraper, but still gives one a sense of the immenseness of the lost structures. Read about it here.
Movie: Riding in Cars With Boys

2002-03-24 Apparently Tiffany, the teen pop singer from the 80's did a nude layout in Playboy. No, Tiffany, no one cares about your latest CD, either.
Music: Ultravox - Quartet/Lament

2002-03-23 Confession time: I did an hour of yoga the other night. Although I can't bend into a pretzel, I was surprised that I was somewhat flexible. I couldn't relax or meditate -- the temptation to giggle was too great. Since no self-respecting male on the planet does yoga, does this make me gay?
Movies: Cats & Dogs (OSKR & Phredh liked it), Two Lane Blacktop (ejected early), Joy Ride (well done;variation on Spielberg's "Duel" (his only good film)), Around The Fire (drugs and tie dye, ooh, how relevant)

2002-03-19 Randy Rhoads died 20 years ago today. I still remember carving his name and the date into the wood in the basement of Phil's house the day it happened. It really sucked then and it still kinda sucks. He was a talented guitarist and appeared to be an honest, likeable person. To this day, I've yet to come across one disparaging comment about him -- it seems he was universally liked. I bet his mom still misses him. Maybe I'll write her a letter.
Movie: The Last Castle (prison flick with all the trimmings; I enjoyed the uprising)
Music: Ozzy Osbourne - Blizzard Of Ozz + "Tonight"

2002-03-18 Did you ever wonder why every single American worker pays taxes on the SAME day? It makes no sense. Since it's for the prior year anyway, it doesn't really matter when you file, does it? The government could easily spread out all the filers' due dates over the entire year. This would eliminate the massive flood of mail and the frantic rush to beat the ridiculous deadline by midnight of April 15th. Another thing, WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO PAY FOR POSTAGE WHEN SENDING IN MY TAX FORMS?!?!?! (sorrybutthat'sjustapersonalgripei'veheldforalongtime).
Movie: Urban Legend (not too bad if you like predictable thrillers with Tara Reid being killed in her lingerie)
Music: Neil Young - Decade (OK, he does sing like a cat in heat, but "After the Gold Rush" is just really good and simple)

2002-03-17 My gripes for today are two-fold: 1) has a car alarm ever actually prevented someone's car from being stolen, or do the alarms only serve to annoy everyone within earshot? and 2) will all these early Sunday morning church-goers please learn how to drive their goddamn cars? Pray for driving lessons next week, OK? Thank you. I'm done.
Music: Queen - Night At The Opera/Day At The Races (+ "Keep Yourself Alive" (at max volume))

2002-03-16 What the hell is up with this weather? It was in the upper 60's last week and now I'm freezing my nuts off again. I can't wait 'til Spring. Did I say, "I can't believe it's March already" lately? Then shoot me.
Movies: All I Wanna Do, Road Trip (3rd time), Beautiful Girls (Uma Thurman), Exit Wounds (typical)
Book: D.B. Cooper: What Really Happened (...well, it claims to be a true account of the infamous hijacker's story, but it lacks any solid supporting evidence; it's a quick, fun read, but I question its truth).

2002-03-14 Ooh, the IDES OF MARCH are creeping up on us. Uh, who cares (unless your initials happen to be J.C.)? Sadly, the farting evangelist site is disappearing. I shall cry now. (If anyone is interested in the 'godfarter' clips, send me an email).
Movie: American Pie 2 (rewatching; Stifler is king)

2002-03-10 Why do oldies stations bother having top song countdowns? Is anyone tuning in to see the outcome for songs that are almost 40 years old? What I'd like to see is a countdown of the most hated oldies songs as compiled by oldies station disc jockeys. I can't imagine they can still enjoy any of the stale garbage they play every day. Hey, that rhymes!!
Movies: The Astronaut's Wife (crap movie, but you already knew that (as did I))
Music: Kate Bush - The Dreaming ("Sat In Your Lap" rules)

2002-03-08 Ugh. I'm so over William Wegman's photographs of those tired weimaraners. Also, that stupid Pink song is stuck in my head: "I'm coming up so you better get this party started..." Ugh, again.
Movie: Rock Star (dumb overall, but some hiliarious lines: "you're not nailing the squeal")

2002-03-04 Hate junk mail? My nephew forwarded me the solution: any junk mail you get that includes a pre-addressed, postage paid envelope is just begging to be used (hey, it's paid for). However, don't use it to send in your complaints which will only guarantee more mail, but fill it with other junk mail. Go ahead, send the bank a sweepstakes entry; send a request for charitable donations to a magazine outlet; and best of all, send those religious groups pamphlets from other religious groups!! Be creative!! Share it with your friends!!
Movies: Reality Bites (re-viewing), Evil Dead (crap movie, but probably good with the right crowd, a la Rocky Horror)

2002-03-01 I'm not one to rave about food (although White Castle holds a special place in my heart), but I had the BEST dinner ever the other night (home-made, no less). It was composed by my significant other (I'm the insignificant one) and consisted of: salmon in a sour cream/dill sauce and grilled mixed vegetables (eggplant, squash, red peppers, portobello mushrooms). It was pure heaven. I didn't even chase dinner with a bowl of cereal -- it was that good!! (Like they say, you can take the boy out of the gutter, but you can't take the gutter out of the boy. Oh well.)
Music: Concrete Blonde - Tomorrow Wendy + First LP, Peter Murphy - Cuts You Up

Top 2002-02-28 Edward Van Halen is a guitar god. Outside of all the Van Halen/David Lee Roth split arguments, you're left with one helluva talented guy. I recently re-read an interview with EVH dating back to just after the inclusion of Sammy Hagar into Van Halen (which I refer to as "Van Hagar"). Anyway, at one point in the interview, EVH was asked what he looks for in a guitar. Now while all of adolescent America who has spent thousands of hours honing their air-guitar skills brace themselves for the response that will dictate ALL future guitar expenditures...comes the response: "six strings." He goes on to state that a musician's talent is in his hands, NOT his equipment (a point illustrated when Sammy Hagar plugged into EVH's amp and still sounded like Sammy Hagar). The guy just gets it, simply put. He's one of the few craftsmen left in the world.
Music: Van Halen (Entire DLR era catalog),
Movies (I'll never learn): Anti-Trust

2002-02-25 Three more ho-hum movies -- I may take a breather. Maybe this month's Maxim came at just the right time. That magazine just rules. Women: buy this magazine for your man. He will be forever indebted to you.
Movies: True Romance (this was supposed to be great; it was OK at best), Unmade Beds (hilarious if you wanna see some truly pathetic people trying to find mates; pathetic otherwise), Love's Labour's Lost (starring the "no longer as cute, but still as clueless" Alicia Silverstone alongside the best character from The Truman Show (an awesome film) Natascha McElhone and that goofy looking guy (NOT Steve Buscemi) that played the co-killer from the first Scream movie (don't know his name and sorry I ruined Scream for you)...anyway, seemed like it could be a winner with that cast, but it was a musical take on the Shakespeare play that was about 60 years too late for its time. Oh well...back to my book...)

2002-02-23 So I guess the American favorite to win the Olympic gold in ice skating just choked again. The headline in New York read "No Kwan Do". What I think is funny is that throughout the rest of her life and career, she's gonna be known as the one who choked at the Olympics, as if that is any measure of her person or talent. It's like that Buffalo Bills kicker who missed the field goal. I guess the best thing to do is move on with your life, because in the long run this stuff really doesn't matter to most people anyway. I mean, would any of America give a rat's ass if she were representing China in the Olympics? Michael Jordan recently said something (after hitting yet another game winning shot) about taking the big shot and whether you hit it or miss it, you move on. I still haven't figured out this whole deal with "curling" either. Maybe this was big in Arkansas, but how it became a legit "sport" is beyond me.
Book: Severed (about Black Dahlia unsolved murder -- fascinating subject, OK coverage)
Movies: Meet The Parents ("Jack talk Thai very well")
Music: Smiths - Louder Than Bombs (or anything by Smiths/Morrissey)

2002-02-17 True crime fascinates me. I'm currently reading a book about the Black Dahlia murder from 1947 and it's amazing that it was never solved. (She's the woman who was cut in half and left in a vacant lot in Los Angeles). I found a few web sites that entertain all sorts of twisted theories about the killer, but it's wild that 50+ years later it's still garnering public attention. I guess it has something to do with the fact that it'll never be solved, so anybody's guess is as valid as the next. When I think about it, I can't help but wonder how 50 years from now people will still be speculating on who killed Nicole Brown Simpson. Damn, if they only had more evidence...
Movies: Saving Silverman, Cheaters, Kiss The Girls, Scary Movie 2 (don't ask), Jupiter's Wife

2002-02-15 People crack me up. Last night I saw a bunch of people frantically racing around picking up Valentine's Day cards and overpriced flowers for their mates. Why bother? Has their relationship become so pathetic that they absolutely MUST show up with a present on such a meaningless fabricated "holiday", less they face the wrath of an angry significant other? I guess the people at Hallmark can get people to do anything. I used to be one of them, but not for a long time. You, too can be one of us. Start by repeating this simple phrase: "I will not do anything simply because Hallmark says so." Repeat ten times hourly. Then, do you and your loved one a favor and get them a present on NOT Valentine's Day. Trust me, you'll both appreciate it infinitely more than Valentine's Day gifts.

2002-02-12 So they booed Kobe Bryant in Philadelphia this weekend at the NBA All Star game. That's too bad, cuz he's not a bad kid and he is a phenomenal athlete. And, speaking of athletes, when did snowboarding become an olympic event? I don't particularly care for the Olympics, but c'mon,... snowboarding? Along those same lines I guess we can expect to see skate