var losercnt = 23; 
var randomnumber = Math.random() ; 
var rand1 = Math.round( (losercnt-1) * randomnumber) + 1 ; 
text = new Array()

//in the form of "12345..._nouns_ verb...  (i.e. boys like girls)
text[1]  = "people have less to do than I."
text[2]  = "Beatles fans need to move on with their lives."
text[3]  = "Elvis fans were wrong."
text[4]  = "filmgoers are paying too much."
text[5]  = "New Yorkers have been nice to me."
text[6]  = "horny Catholic Priests should rot in hell."
text[7]  = "health nuts will die anyway."
text[8]  = "losers walk the streets of my town."
text[9]  = "Kennedys live with the tragedies."
text[10] = "African Americans are still black."
text[11] = "White Castle burgers sound good right now."
text[12] = "people shouldn't have had kids."
text[13] = "hooters can't be wrong."
text[14] = "Deadheads need to wake up."
text[15] = "bottles of beer are on the wall."
text[16] = "Van Halen fans like Sammy Hagar better."
text[17] = "towel-heads prefer Woolite."
text[18] = "lies will follow the first successful one."
text[19] = "geeks want dates."
text[20] = "people in your hometown are better than you."
text[21] = "dot-heads use Sharpie markers for a lasting dot."
text[22] = "choosy mothers choose Jif."
text[23] = "new tax laws were introduced this year."
text[24] = ""
text[25] = "people who play the lottery are more likely to be struck by lightning than winning the lottery?"
text[26] = "lotto is really just a clever way to get poor people to pay taxes?"
text[27] = "Jim Morrison was really just an overweight drunk (if you really think about it)?"
text[28] = "Buddy Holly was phenomenally talented?"
text[29] = "Hollywood used to be called 'Hollywoodland', but was changed due to the bad luck association of having 13 letters?"
text[30] = "most people shouldn't have children?"
text[31] = "in this day and age, some people are still dumb enough to smoke cigarettes?"
text[32] = "all charities are 'good causes'?"
text[33] = "I'm really popular in Japan?"
text[34] = "AOL still sucks?"
text[35] = "Bill Gates really isn't such a bad guy?  (I really hope he reads this!)"
text[36] = "rainy days and Mondays always get me down?"
text[37] = "Billie Jo McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge?"
text[38] = "the sky is falling?"
text[39] = "God and evolution can't co-exist in one's belief system?"
text[40] = "children have the attention span approximately equal to the duration of a sneeze?"
text[41] = "evil is the root of all evil?"
text[42] = "a dyslexic agnostic ponders, 'Is there a dog?'?"
text[43] = "rap will disappear soon, real soon?"
text[44] = "the Moral Majority is neither?"
text[45] = "every person is convinced that their religion is the TRUE religion, but they can't all be right?"
text[46] = "mankind probably won't make it to the year 3000?"
text[47] = "cockroaches will survive long after man has disappeared from the face of Earth?"
text[48] = "that whether or not there's life on Mars, it won't matter to you anyway?"
text[49] = "Jesus died for our sins, but not mine?"
text[50] = "I spend waaaay too much time alone?"
text[51] = "infamous hijacker D.B. Cooper was actually Dan Cooper; 'D.B. Cooper' was a reporter's mistake?"
text[52] = "the Beastie Boys based a multi-million dollar career on basically no talent?"
text[53] = "Roald Dahl is the best writer, ever?"
text[54] = "The angle of incidence equals the angle of reflection?"
text[55] = "the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain?"
text[56] = "there is no such thing as 'dog years' (supposedly 1 dog year = 7 human years)?  The truth is your dog will die in about 10-12 years."
text[57] = "they have the Internet on computers now? - Homer Simpson)"
text[58] = "some people think 'irregardless' is a word?"
text[59] = "some adults think 'alot' is a word?"
text[60] = "a woodchuck can't chuck wood?"
text[61] = "the sum of the interior angles of a triangle is 180 degrees?"
text[62] = "Sean Lennon inherited no talent from his father?"
text[63] = "it is NOT Julia Roberts' body on the Pretty Woman poster/video cover?  (It's actually body double shelley michelle)"
text[64] = "smoking will kill you? (derr)"
text[65] = "Woody Allen hasn't produced a decent movie in about 30 years?"
text[66] = "Woody Allen is just a twisted pedophile?"
text[67] = "OJ Simpson is innocent?  Ha ha ha hoo ho ho BAA ha haha ha haaaah BAAA HA HA"
text[68] = "virginity is not hereditary?"
text[69] = "dogs don't believe in god?"
text[70] = "no straight male ever thought Lucille Ball was funny?"
text[71] = "the original Saturday Night Live TV show is overrated?"
text[72] = "the sound of one hand clapping isn't worth all the fuss?"
text[73] = "Luza Minelli never had a lick of talent and now she's a freak?"
text[74] = "Cyndi Lauper still has an awesome voice? (It's too bad her songs are so mediocre)"
text[75] = "marijuana is no more a drug than alcohol?"
text[76] = "Buster Keaton was an absolute genius?"
text[77] = "Geek Love is an ultimate book?"
text[78] = "people give entirely too much credit to celebrities?"
text[79] = "I am one of the Noticeable Ones? (notice me)"
text[80] = "nothing smaller than your elbow belongs in your ear?"
text[81] = "Midge Ure has the best male voice in music?"
text[82] = "Coney Island's Parachute Jump is worth travelling to 'little puerto rico' to see?"
text[83] = "the 1964 New York World's Fair grounds still have some nice sites to visit, but they haven't been kept up since the fair?"
text[84] = "horses are pretty stupid?"
text[85] = "we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars? (Oscar Wilde)"
text[86] = "all other things are never equal?"
text[87] = "mankind will never make it to the year 2525?"
text[88] = "?sdrawkcab etirw nac elpoep emos"
text[89] = "?sdrawkcab daer t'nac elpoep tsom"
text[90] = "ketchup is not one of the food groups?"
text[91] = "you don't win friends with salad?"
text[92] = "New Jersey is the only state where you make left and U turns from the right lane?"
text[93] = "the holes in bricks enable them to dry evenly in the kiln?"
text[94] = "there is a town in Newfoundland, Canada named 'Dildo'?"
text[95] = "Daria thinks we're cool? (She's right!)"
text[96] = "elephants are the only mammals that can't jump?"
text[97] = "it is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow?"
text[98] = "neither of the words 'United', 'States' nor 'America' appear in the Star Spangled Banner?"
text[99] = "my favourite colour is blue?  NO, red!"
text[100] = "IOU does not stand for 'I owe you' (that would make it IOY)?  It stands for 'I owe unto'."
text[101] = "I'm not wearing any underwear?"
text[102] = "a roach's average speed is 8 inches per second?"
text[103] = "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore?"
text[104] = "they're not 'action figures'; they're dolls?  (and boys shouldn't play with dolls)"
text[105] = "your demise is lurking around every corner while the suffocating sap coils through your vents?"
text[106] = "this offer expired yesterday?"
text[107] = "long haired freaky people need not apply?"
text[108] = "the water's turning yellow?"
text[109] = "Nutscrape, I mean Netscape is still an inferior browser to Internet Explorer?"
text[110] = "you can't make a left turn off of 34th Street?"
text[111] = "there must be more to life than this?"
text[112] = "no language on earth has ever produced the expression 'as pretty as an airport'? (Douglas Adams; Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul)"
text[113] = "California is largely overrated?"
text[114] = "vacations cause people to do many things they would never, ever do while at home?"
text[115] = "at some unspecified age over 15, virtually all American adults universally decide to drink coffee, despite its horrid taste?"
text[116] = "growing old isn't a crime in America, but it may as well be?"
text[117] = "you'll eventually start missing people you can't stand?  Nah, maybe not."
text[118] = "everybody need to rely on somebody? (Lone Justice; East of Eden)"
text[119] = "if you live in America you should: 1)speak English, 2)celebrate Xmas on Dec 25th and 3)don't be so damn selfish?"
text[120] = "I don't need cookies to have a good time?"

var losertext = text[rand1] ;